I did it. I am living my truth. I applied for a regional position in Physicial Leadership Development. I have no idea if I will be considered and what that would mean for our lives if I get it, but I’m proud that I took that risk and spoke my truth and applied for it. It was the night before the deadline and I had been thinking about that position for several months, and frustrations and then successes in middle-management made me realize that it was time. I need to grow. I’m well now, and my roots are firmly planted and healthy and I’m ready to sprout. I don’t know where. I don’t know if I’ll go left or right, but I need to grow in my climate leadership and my work-work leadership. I need to move on in my career. It’s best for me and best for my department. I’ll still be part of our department and Assistant Boss for now, but it’s time to make a lot of other people grow up too.
I had a semi-bad day yesterday because of an HMO issue. It was a misunderstanding but my passionate mouth got me in trouble again. The way the HMO machinery works is that I can’t just apologize for the misunderstanding. It will just sit there, not affecting my career as it’s a miniscule little blip. But for me, it does fester. The idea that I would retaliate is so ludicrous as I’ve never retaliated and the idea that Dr. Plastic Picker retaliates is antithesis to the core of who I am. I was instructed to not retaliate because that is what the HMO script tells us as managers to tell people. I’ve uttered to same thing to colleagues. I believe we are all connected and if I hurt someone’s feelings because they misunderstood what I said, makes my heart hurt as well. But with the stress of the entire world with the ramifications of climate change and COVID-19, the same thing that happend to me is happening across our organization and I’m sure in your life. No one is listening. People are on edge. Everyone is misunderstanding everyone.
I was talking to Dr. Dear Friend and she was very understanding. We planted another big succulent on the HMO parking garage. But the condtions on said parking garage are hot and harsh, and it’s hard to survive up there. I feel that is the same way about myself in middle-management. It’s hot and harsh, and having worked so hard to heal myself and heal the earth – I’m not willing to sacrifice my well being for a title that I no longer care about. I’m rather take my sunshine elsewhere. I know I garnered this stain on my record because I was just out there. Out there teaching residents. Out there trying to work on fundamental wellness for the world. And if I had just sat in my office and not ventured out, I wouldn’t have that stain but then the world would be sicker. So I won’t stay in my office. I’ll venture out. I’ll avoid that person because that is my right. I won’t retaliate, because that is not who I am. But I can have my feelings hurt. I can be sad. And I dealt with that frustration yesterday and again found how unfair things are, because I 100% know if I was a man – I’d never have to deal with this cr@p. Women are sometimes our worst enemeies, but also our allies. So here I am, still Dr. Plastic Picker – keeping on keeping on.
I did channel my frustration with the absolute inertia of big organizations, by moving things in my small corner of the world. I’ve been talking and writing about the Air Keepers program for San Diego. It’s a program I heard about from Dr. Lori Byron up at AAP Montana, and I wanted to replicate it here. So I sent her an email and cc’ed the two other pediatricians who want to get involved, and cc’ed our famous academic friend Dr. Perry Sheffield. I also emailed a student that potentially could work on this and gave him the details. There is funding possibly from the Air Pollution Control District https://www.sandiegocounty.gov/content/sdc/apcd/en/grants-and-incentives/facts.html, maybe our own HMO Community Benefits and Equity, Diversity and Inclusion Community and I can try to find other funding. I don’t think this type of program cost that much, and I’m hopeful we can get it done.
So that’s what I did today. Send three emails to get the ball rolling on AirKeepers. Because someone misunderstood a comment I was making and the world is not listening, I’ve decided to do something to make myself feel better. And cleaning the air and bringing people together makes me feel better. Air Keepers San Diego version was probably deployed after a frustrating day at work. Just like San Diego Pediatricians for Clean Air was created after a mean comment from a politician that said we were a “publicity stunt.” Sometimes hurt and humiliation is good if you can channel it. But the one petty thing I will promise you, that person will never be invited to my house again. I can’t believe they were in our house, and ate our food and we welcomed them as a guest. I will 100% be civil and cheerful at work, but in my own home – it’s only those that I love that are welcome here. So the foxes are welcome, the butterflies are welcome, the climate activists are welcome – but those that think I’m unkind and that I would ever say anything like that. You absolutely don’t know me and you aren’t welcome. And I won’t impose myself upon you in your home either. Let’s mutually agree to be professional. And so Air Keepers was born from this misunderstanding.
Our compost is really good. Filled with worms that came from, I don’t know where?
August 9, 2021
by drplasticpicker
If you have the opportunity to stop by our front and back garden, you will see proof that our family lives a regenerative life. The cherry tomatos in front are sweet and spilling over their cages. The tomatos in the back are perfectly shaped and ripening on their vine, and are sweeter than any medium size tomato I promise you’ve ever eaten. We have little eggplants the size of your palm, because that’s the size they are supposed to be. The squash that we grow, their leaves that spill over from the planters fuel those beautiful gourds. Every last bit is used to make a savory plant-based dish. Peppers are growing. We have fennel for the first time. The bounty that is our life is beautiful and I am grateful for each piece of edible fruit and vegetable that comes from our garden.
And the bounty that is this year is due to compost. Above is the picture of our compost yesterday that I helped my mother-in-law harvest. We spent the weekend on and off replanting fruits trees, blueberry bushes and succulents from the rooftop garden. The rooftop garden is too harsh. Nothing lives up there. Those plants needed to be rescued. To me it’s somewhat a metaphor for my career. The HMO parking lot structure is also a too harsh climate. It’s been hard to get anything to grow up there. There are other HMO denizens trying. I have a couple of succulents still alive. But I’m about to give up on the HMO parking structure planters. I’m about to give up on the roofdeck garden.
But in trying to plant on the HMO parking structure harsh rooftop planters and my own windy roofdeck, I’ve learned a lot about plants and myself. I did grow something and I did sequester some carbon into the soil. But I’m shifting gears and going to try to grow plants in my family’s balcony North Park office. There is a balcony that is somewhat neglected that I think could use some plants and some love. It will bring happiness to people who I actually know, and hopefully bring them some wellness.
Replanted succulents.Gifted cuttings from my sister-in-law. Replanted in pretty vases. Excited to see them grow.
There is a youtube video that pretty much sums of the problem with all big organizations that includes government, big corporations, and HMOs. Mr. Plastic Picker showed it to me. Big organizations tend to create certain positions that actually don’t do nor accomplish anything. This is due to government regulations and very good reasons, but the end result is this bloated middle that includes what I call the inventory people. I once saw someone who belonged to a department whose entire job was to go through our entire organization and just scan barcodes to make sure HMO property stayed within the HMO. The absolutely hilarious thing is that there was a printer my old mentor had bought with his own money for his own office, and this robot put a barcode on it and then scanned it. That pretty much summed up the absolutely hilarity of the entire situation.
Beautiful glazed ceramic vase my daughter made at summer camp.
August 7, 2021
by drplasticpicker
It’s Saturday morning at 630am, and I have a cup of green tea beside the computer as I’m clicking away. How I came to blogging at 630am with a cup of tea (no sugar and no cream) versus 4am with a cup of coffee (lots of sugar and non-diary creamer) has been a two year journey. It began with a bag of trash along the beach and starting this weird Dr. Plastic Picker journey of trying to save the earth. Wildfires are raging throughout the world including Greece and Europe, and near our own family farm in Oregon – but this is the reality of the warming world. I still have hope as we’ve been through this cycle before of wildfires and I committed to a decade of action two years ago. Yet I did not fully realize one of the serendipitous results of becoming an eco-avatar is that I simply came into spiritual and mental balance as a person. The writing, the trash art, and the freedom to explore new facets of my personality has been liberating.
Do you have dreams that are deferred? I never thought I would through climate and health activism reach for those dreams and form new ones. But when one faces the existential crisis of climate change and realize how bad it is but then realize how joyful it is to try to avert disaster, then that is the magic combination that helped me just reach for my dreams deferred. I decided to not compromise and waste time on middle-management nonsense but instead try to focus on the meaningful aspects of my work work. I’ve focused on the vaccine committee portion of my work-portfolio and brought my passion there, and have had local success. I bought with a family member a farm in Oregon and that 197 acres with the eagles soaring above and the view of the southern cascade slopes covered in Douglas Fir which I know will be sustainable harvest because we are stewards of the land- gives me so much joy. We are hoping to go up there is the air quality is okay in a week. If not, we will wait. I decided that as a physician I am enough, and to work on my own issues and explore my wellness journey and also Mr. Plastic Picker’s wellness journey. I rant and rave about middle-management, but he is middle-manager too. And he deserves a wife and life-partner that is present and there for him. And my just being happy and joyful and laughing with my family all day long, is something that spills over from our family to our siblings and our community.
Life is short but these days for me the days are gloriously long. I was watching Dawson’s Creek (yes I am still in my phase of loving Joey Potter and Pacey Witter and their romance) and Joey tells Dawson in one episode, that as a writer he gets to live life twice and how amazing is that. And in this blog, I get to live those dreams deferred not just once but twice.
My sister is in town. We are finally catching up as a family and it’s good to spend time with my niece and nephew. Kids really do grow up too fast. But one of the wonderful things about being Dr. Plastic Picker and sleeping better, eating more vegetables, and generally living life in the moment – is that time has actually slowed down for me. My life is fundamentally different. My brain is rewiring back into a slower dimension. And when life is at a slower pace you can smell the parsley.
I took my sister on a tour of the front garden, back garden, balcony garden and my not as successful roofdeck garden. We ate tomatoes that were so sweet. I showed her the baby watermelons and tried to name all the plants. I pulled some parlsey and had her smell it. It was a very strong smell. Parsley is an herb and we probably have too much of it.
Now that I’m three weeks without coffee, I noticed that I generally snack less. I think it’s because I’m not always having something 2-4 times a day that has extra sugar in it, and Mr. Plastic Picker thought that added sugar probably spiked my insulin up and then that in turn would bring my blood sugar down – and then I would want to snack. This is absolutely true and I remember learning this in endocrine fellowship.
I’m saving a lot of money as well since coffee is not cheap. Even at the HMO coffee shop a soy latte would be $2-3 a piece, and then Dr. Dear Friend and I would alternate who would buy the coffee. I’m still collecting the coffee grounds from the HMO coffee shop.
And the other thing I notice is that there are so many different kinds of tea that are everywhere. My own house I have probably enough tea to last me at least two years. At the office, there is a line of different teas in the nurses room that is up for grabs when I need a bit. I tried matcha tea yesterday and put just one little packet of sugar and it was an interesting drink. I’m still drinking some caffeine but it’s nothing compared to the lattes before.
So life is slow and meaningful these days. I was afraid my creativity would wane without the coffee, but I made a little trash art friend yesterday from nerf gun bullets that had been reclaimed. We had a really great meeting with the HMO Green Team. And yesterday I just turned off work and spent time with my sister and niece and nephew. That was a big success for me. I just turned it off because I was OFF and I needed to reconnect with my life and family. I truly hope you do the same with yours. What is more important than family?
Last month I didn’t get my act together to post the June 2021 Plastic Picker Totals, but I was still cleaning our community and removing plastic. Despite my Star Trek tangents https://drplasticpicker.com/the-star-trek-enterprise-romance-of-tpol-and-trip-im-going-to-give-them-the-ending-they-deserve/ (which remains my most visited blog post!!!) and middle management ramblings, I started this blog to keep track of my efforts to try to save the earth through small but meaningful acts. It turned into an entire soon to be official non-profit https://sdpediatriciansforcleanair.com/ and a recently published journal article https://digitalcommons.library.tmc.edu/childrenatrisk/vol12/iss1/1/. But this blog is about me being an eco-avatar and picking up litter, and I have remained true despite not posting last month. So here are the June and July totals, plus a two month average for fun! In total I’ve collected now 511 bags of trash, and salvaged 1665 items from the ocean or landfill to be deployed into our not quite circular economy (mostly donations to Goodwill and recycling) https://drplasticpicker.com/plastic-picking-round-up/. My hobby doesn’t cost me much, gets me outside and exercising, and I’m helping the earth. It’s a win (wink) win situation.
Not bad! My mother-in-law trimmed my hair. I probably need to go somewhere to get it layered. Oh well.
August 4, 2021
by drplasticpicker
I’m pretty pleased with myself this morning. I made our local AAP newsletter, the local news outlets, and also likely it will be publicized on the HMO internal news. I played the generic pediatrician accepting the plaque for California HPV Vaccine Week. The entire process was serendipitous and fun. I stood really still in the background and smiled, and I pretended I was on a TV show. Which I kind of was. I knew my place and my role. Really it was for the politician to shine. I was happy and smiling, and shook hands. I said my piece, I think well, but in a generic way. I was the generic pediatrician and I had a great time playing that role!
Beautiful photo of the farm. It’s because of the wildfires in the distance.
August 3, 2021
by drplasticpicker
When you love someone or some place, you take a risk. You take a risk that that person or place – can be hurt or can be lost. Oregon is burning, and there are wildfires near the farm. My family member is up there and so far things are contained, but they are ready to leave if need be. We have insurance. We have money. We can rebuild if need be. But the threat of the forest fires caused by lightening strikes, is a stark reminder that no where is safe. We’ve lived through many wildfires in Southern California. And the Oregon farm, seeing pictures of the forest fires in the distance is numbingly familiar.
My walk home across the East Village after dinner.
August 1, 2021
by drplasticpicker
I love this town so fiercely it hurts. It’s the city that accepted a family of Vietnamese political refugees, and allowed a little girl who did not speak any English until kindergarten to attend Crimson University. It’s a town that is tolerant, diverse and open. It’s a town that is my home. It’s a town that has values, deep down military and family values to our core. I had to leave San Diego for over 15 years to fully appreciate the warmth of our climate and our people. The innate goodness of us. Especially the south bay, there is something special about the south bay.
Life has been absolutely crazy with the delta variant. My meager career as a middle-manager keeps on keeping on. Likely more from inertia from the organization than anything. I’m still here, doing my job but doing it in a more sustainable way. I’m able to weed through the HMO nonsense still, and focus on the core issues that should be addressed. It’s another COVID surge due to the delta variant, and it’s really all hands on deck right now. I worked this morning in our weekend clinic, and it was not as bad as I expected. Mostly because phenomenol nurses and MDs the day before pulled together and leaned in and blasted through messages.
The culture of taking care of each other, and watching out for each other – has 100% to do with just the people who work. Those of us who see patients, put in IVs, triage messages. It has nothing to do with middle-management or upper-management. Those that grab the glory, they are very rarely the cause of said glory. Just talking-heads, many of them.
I haven’t been blogging as much as life has been full and beautiful, and also worrisome with the delta variant. But I did have dinner with a good high school friend who I hadn’t seen in over 27 years. It was a lovely dinner with her family, and well behaved children. We went to a old downtown place that I’ve wanted to return to for decades, but wasn’t able to. But we ate there together and we all caught up on life.
But the best part of the evening was walking through the seeing our town. I remember when downtown was run down and dangerous. I hardly ever dared to drive in downtown during highschool except once to attend an opera at the Civic Center, the one-way streets were so intimidating. But now, I pulled into East Village via the 94W and glided into a parking spot that I own. Yes I own a piece of downtown, as I invested in a condo over a decade ago when the real estate market had dropped. The condo has two parking spots. I marveled that parking as there was a Padres game was $33! I parked for free. And I walks from the parking spot across the revelers, pass the stadium and all the beautiful people having fun. We had a wonderful dinner, and then I walked back. And every step and every sight was lovely.
Parked for free! I have a Ford and a downtown condo.
