We still have more than 3 months until our youngest goes to college, but I’m absolutely wallowing. I’m wallowing in the pit of boredom and life is not interesting. There is no more college updates about her class. There is no more dress fittings and major photo shoots (we have one more). There is no more drama about college (although that was exhausting). We are in a peaceful lull now. She’s done with all but one AP test and will finish her high school academic career strong with all top marks. I think she only ever got one A-? And she’ll be off to Harvard at the end of the summer.
I’ll wallow but I’ll wallow and drag this wonderful last summer out. She’ll still be here and it’s been healing seeing her healthy and happy with her accomplishments. She’s finally having some fun. And fun for a former preemie raised the way she is raised, is going to the craft store and fabric painting shirts for her friends. She’s running in the morning, and taking walks to the beach and sometimes I’m invited. She made focaccia bread and had funny stories about her homeroom teacher taking the last few ones in a tupperware to share with the other teachers. Her focaccia bread is THAT GOOD. We had some for dinner last night and relishing each piece. She’s giggling with her friends about doing “hot girl pilates” and working out with her high school friends, as they prepare for adulthood and college.
She’s missing her older brother who will be home soon. And she’ll finally be stress-free and enjoy his boisterousness because he’s a big personality.
And she’s healthy and alive. While I was wallowing a few days ago, she turned to me and said “mommy what are you going to do when I’m gone? You love me too much. What if I die?” And I confidently turned to her and said “you didn’t die, and you are alive” and each day is a gift with you. I never take anything for granted these days. Each breathe is a blessing.
Happy Mother’s Day to everyone! Especially to all the mothers out there that I’m your actual or spiritual pediatrician. You deserve a WONDERFUL FANTASTIC SUSTAINABLE MOTHER’S DAY! Your pediatrician is cheering you and your children and your family on! I’m a bit self-serving though since your family keeps me employed!
I realized today is a big day, or an important Mother’s Day because I am done with my mothering of minor children. Our last child turned 18 before Mother’s Day and is now officially an adult. I know we never finish mothering, and I hope to be at some point in the next 10-15 years to be grand-mothering. I will of course continue doctoring and pediatrician-engineering (or is it pediatric-practicing?). But it’s a major milestone to finish raising minor children as a working pediatrician mother.
THAT WAS HARD!!! Trying to figure out work schedule with another physician parent with two minor children WAS NOT EASY! We had to leave Boston/Harvard and find a more manageable system, so landed back in San Diego where we had more family and enrolled them in prep school. We had to combine our household with my in-laws (and we happily have a three generation household now) so that everyone could take care of each other. We had to sit and coordinate call schedules, and I can’t tell you the number of times I almost quit. There were times things were so stressful that I wasn’t sure if we as a family would make it out on the other side of raising children, intact. It was super frustrating shipping my kids to relatives during school holidays or enrolled in another camp so that I could work and adhere to the rules of our organization. It was not easy and I look at the younger physicians in our office, and know it is super difficult for them and they don’t have as much support as we both had. I’m usually open hearted but this is my blog and an emotional journal of my climate and health journey, and I can just say here honestly – PHEW! I’m DONE! Good luck to you guys! LOL. It wasn’t easy and I don’t want to ever repeat the stress of the last 18 years when they were sick, hospitalized, college application season, emergency funerals where the grandparents had to suddenly go to Korea and on and on and on. I remember when Mr. Plastic Picker had back surgery and I wasn’t sure if we would be able to continue with the kids schooling without his income, and thought of so many alternatives. It was upsetting to me that I had to first figure out finances and not get to worry about my own husband’s health. He figured out his own health, as I sat and made contingency plans financially. It all worked out but it was stressful.
Now the children are 18 and healthy, and admitted or enrolled in good colleges. Their college accounts are fully funded, so they will be college-educated. And everything else is icing on the cake, and they have health insurance until 26. We did our duty, and I have finished my mothering of minor children. I told them both they need to get jobs and health coverage by 26. I expect both to go to graduate school.
Now I’ll just try to save the earth, which honestly will be much easier than mothering minor children. Happy Mother’s Day to everyone! Isn’t she cute? And she doesn’t want to be a mother yet – THANK GOODNESS! And it’s her choice. I’ve evolved in my thinking. I LOVED being a mother, but you can have a fulfilling life without being a mother. It’s less stressful and easier, and it’s a choice.
I’ve been thinking about this concept a lot, the feeling of awkwardness. Relationship awkwardness mostly. Doing climate work and really trying to help get things done, has involved me meeting a lot of new people, new personalities and pushing myself to accomplish new things. New projects. New partners. New ideas. And putting the climate and the environment at the center has required personally growing, and redefining myself – and also growing closer to who I was originally in my purest form as a child. Being joyful and productive, this is something that comes naturally to toddlers and children! I’ve gotten to know so many people at different levels and learned how to have productive relationships with them, and also learning how to draw appropriate boundaries. It’s all led to this reoccurring concept in my daily life that it’s all just very AWKWARD.
And I’m okay with this. Sometimes people text you things that make me angry and sad, and I ignore it and things are just left hanging. Sometimes people cross personal boundaries, and it gets incredibly awkward because we aren’t really family.
I think it’s due to change. As one person changes, the others around them have to accommodate or make way for that growth – and there is that awkward stage. Eventually the relationship can continue and you can grow together, or it can remain awkward. Awkward is that in-betweenness in a relationship. It’s that pause that each other is not sure how the other one is going to move. The moment seems so long, but it’s brief. But that mindfulness of that moment and how incredibly long and AWKWARD it feels , is really interesting to me.
So if you are feeling AWKWARD. That’s okay. That’s a completely valid feeling! It means someone is changing and growing in a relationship, and sometimes others have to step back and let it happen. It can feel lonely at times. It can feel awkward.
I appreciate all the time our speakers spent speaking at our H3SD 2025 Summit last year. We are in the midst of planning of H3SD 2026. I got to tell two captivated UCSD students the true origins from my point of view of the original summit at the Starbucks at Price Center and why I’m a Muir Provost Innovation Fellow. LOL. But it’s my take on the last few years, and just my perspective. But like your own children, these are my own students who belong to UCSD Revelle college, and I’m allowed to have my own perspective on events. That was super fun! My two students were so enthralled in my made up drama, but they are also doing real climate work through their UCSD Academic Internship with us.
They are officially interns through the American Academy of Pediatrics and Kaiser Permanente. This years internship has been so fun, and I’ve gotten to know the students better. I met with two separately yesterday and these are young kids struggling through midterms and academic stress. So it was good just to sit and listen to them share their stresses with classes. They are going to do great! I really want to give them a little gift bag after they complete their internships maybe get some free swag from AAP and from Kaiser? I’ll ask! It never hurts to ask!
Otherwise I’m oddly tired today. I did do a lot of walking last night and fell straight to sleep. I’ll try to walk at lunch today. Our 18 year old (OMG I can’t believe she is 18 already!) was up late last night making yummy short bread cookies for her last Library Ambassadors meeting at school. She’s president! She is packing me 6 cookies to split between the 3 nurses that I made gift bags for. It’s nurses week and it’s honestly been fun but nonstop eating in our clinic. I’ve been good and partaking just a bit, because it’s actually not the best-for-your-health food. But I’m present and enjoying everyone’s company mostly while drinking my tea. I did have a yummy KFC biscuit and 1 drumstick that was warmed up in the air fryer by Leilani one of our nurses. It was really yummy! I also had a sausage patty one morning, and there were nachos several times. OMG, nurses week needs to end! LOL. I have to give 3 wonderful nurses their gift bags. Nurses Week was a bit disorganized this year, but it all works out. Everyone gave out of love. I’m trying to show love through bookstore purchases! I think our nurses are going to love our gifts!
That’s it! I just wanted to remind myself to send out the H3SD 2025 video links!
Did you watch the movie Independence Day? This actually happened. The collapse of the North Atlantic Current. Europe and Northern parts of the United States were plummeted into an Ice Age. A band of young kids had to trek across the frozen tundra of the new world to rejoin loved ones. And now on CNN and on my Instagram feed, there is climate scientists data that everything is accelerating and that it will happen sooner than we thought.
Which is why I am saying no to the semi-annoying person who contacted me about a book offer? I’m honestly not even sure if that offer is legitimate. But I don’t have time to write a book, or let him ghost write a book for me or about me. I have things to do. Like climate work to do.
As a mother, what I know is that this catastrophic event will happen within my old child’s lifetime. So I have to do everything in my maternal power to stop or delay this. So I’m saying no to the book offer, because that book will just be put in the bargain book bin anyway at some point. I don’t have that big of an ego, to think my life deserves the time required to write a book. A blogpost, maybe?
But there is so much climate work to do. I have to send several emails about the Tijuana Sewage Crisis. Did you know that you can see the Tijuana Sewage Pollution from SPACE? Geez Louise people! It’s really bad. Can you imagine being a blue whale and swimming near that gunk! It’s not good for anyone or any-animal. I need to email the San Diego County Medical Magazine about two articles the H3SD organizing committee wants to write, one re AI and one re One Health Concept. I have to write a letter of recommendation for a deserving student who is working on two big projects that we have going on. And I have to start commenting on an article regarding fast fashion. See lots of writing and reading, just not a self glorifying book about myself. The entire point of this blog is to try to help stop the climate crisis, while still working as a pediatrician and mothering my children.
Being a mother is really powerful. I really don’t want to imagine my children being grandparents themselves and living through the collapse of the North Atlantic Current and the world plunged into the next ice age!
Beautiful vessel she created. I don’t want her to be cold.
Feel free to go to the Harvardclass30 Instagram account and like the post from our daughter! I’m trying to help her get 200 likes and she’s at 147, which isn’t bad – since she’s an introvert. There is one very extroverted Harvard San Diego bound new friend who is at 600!
But all kidding aside, I was going to blog about being OK WITH AWKWARD. But I got distracted by my own daughter’s pretty picture. I’m sure you are as well distracted by your child’s toddler cuteness or prom pictures as well. The more I indulge myself on my blog, the more open-hearted and loving I can be in clinic and with my premedical and medical students. They are all doing really well by the way! Two more students were admitted to medical school! They were the two students who worked on transgender education and awareness, and given the current state of the world, I’m SUPER PROUD OF THEM! They essentially created their own premedical advocacy opportunity and were collaborative and supportive of each other. I just re-read their letters of recommendations, and am filled with peace as these two immensely qualified students will help care for our community and dedicate their lives to clinical medicine. They are truly wonderful.
I have to write another letter of recommendation for a very qualified and eager student. They’ve worked tirelessly for the last two years on several projects and was one of my official students in the UCSD Academic Internship Program, so I am happy to write that letter and it will be very easy.
But back to my Introvert. I just wanted to show you her pretty picture and let the blog readership know that she finally posted on the Harvard Class of 2030 Instagram account, which makes everything so Instagram real – not reels.
Sometimes when something big happens to one person in the family, it prompts the next person in the family to shift and make decisions and another big thing happens. After our youngest was admitted and decided to attend Harvard, it was like a puzzle piece was fitted in and the next puzzle piece needed to be fitted. My father-in-law decided with his children to finally sell the Yun family home to a non-Yun relative – and end the last financial and property ties to the country they voluntary emigrated more than 40 years ago.
He just left for the airport with Mr. Plastic Picker (his son), and he will fly to his home country and see siblings and friends and sign important paperwork transferring the last asset. His wife, my mother-in-law, is sad because her husband is gone for a week. It’s been complicated thinking of this last tie to South Korea, but it came to a good conclusion. The children and grandchildren were involved or at least considered in the decision. As the daughter-in-law, it was very interesting watching my Korean American inlaws decide and discuss. The property is not worth that much, but it stands on the ancestral home but it’s now a nondescript semi-modern four story building. I’ve only seen it once, when we visited after our wedding and I met my grandmother-in-law. It was a brief weekend stay, and she was very kind to me. I was the Harvard-trained almost doctor who married her beloved grandson, who was raised in the US and only saw her a handful of times after they emigrated. This grandmother prayed nightly to have a grandson for years. And that grandson was born, and emigrated and went to Harvard and became a doctor. I don’t know too much about this elder, but I do know that her love for this particular grandchild (my husband) was fierce and unconditional.
My husband feels great relief at this decision. The children feel it’s the right thing to do, as they don’t have any emotional ties to this home that they have never seen. I wish my father-in-law had his own blog and could write in a language I fully understood, and tell us about his adventures this week relinquishing his childhood home. Everyone is the main character is their own storyline, and his is one filled with hardship, trauma, perseverance and triumph. Of all the people on this earth, I admire and love my father-in-law so fundamentally. It’s been one of the bright spots in my life to have been lucky enough to be his daughter-in-law and be comfortable together, and living as a family unit with the same goals and values.
In his bag to South Korea, be brought a Harvard Family button. The one they gave us as Visitas. He deserves to take credit for all the hard-work that he has put into raising his grandchildren. He’s going on his victory lap back home. And that makes me so happy.
“A large and persistent marine heat wave is impacting the northeast Pacific Ocean, with notable intensification and expansion throughout March and April, particularly off the coasts of Central and Southern California and along the Pacific Coast of Mexico.
A marine heat wave is defined as sea surface temperatures exceeding the 90th percentile of a 30-year climatology for at least five consecutive days.”
H3SD is the acronym we came up for the Heat and Human Health Summit. Really we should do one on Heat and Dolphin Health, Heat and Whale Health, Heat and Seal Health, Heat and Fish Health, Heat and Clam Health, Heat and Coral Reef Health. Gosh this makes me incredibly sad to think of how hot the oceans have been the last two months.
Our whole way of life is changing and there are huge ecosystem disruptions. Just with any crisis, everyone’s true nature comes up. Some are imprisoning people and others are building networks of nonprofits and service organizations to try to help. The COVID crisis taught us that. The worst and the best of people come out during disasters, and the climate disaster is here now.
I was walking with our daughter after returning back from the Harvard admit weekend which is called Visitas, and we were talking practicalities in terms of what she wants to study and how to navigate the university system to try to get studio time and space in ceramics. I reminded her something that she actually taught me, that I did say during a podcast on the Prebys Foundation, any large task you have to break things into chunks. Every day you just keep on doing something to further yourself along on that task. The key is to pick the right goal, and to know your north star.
I’ve been lucky to know myself quite well, and to come to better understand that my life force/my time is valuable. My energy and my love and my care is valuable, and it should not be wasted on frivolous things or with certain annoying people who I talked to for 11.30 minutes yesterday. I don’t have time to waste stroking someone’s maternal ego over whether her precious child should go to Harvard versus Stanford when I have not spoken to them in over a decade. If my congratulations and advice is not enough, than you were not listening to me and just wanted my attention. It felt good to end that connection politely at 11.30 minutes. Anyway, I’d rather pay attention to the marine life that are getting too hot! Poor dolphins. Poor whales. Poor seals. Poor fish. Poor coral reefs.
I’m continuing to plug away and do what I can every day to help stop the climate crisis, which is already here. So this is what I’ve done this week. Just in case anyone wandered over from KPBS. (Not that I need to justify why KPBS profiled me! Honestly, I really enjoy talking to Tammy Murga and she’s such a super wonderful person who is herself working on behalf of our environment! Who wouldn’t admire and want to walk and talk with someone like that!). Anyway, these are the things I am up to this week.
Public Health Advisory Council , Climate Action Campaign. We meet virtually yesterday, and I was there to support the two new chairs! And I was happy and upbeat, and SHOWED UP! They mostly talked and I did get to tell all my friends that we donated in-kind $7,000 + back over a year ago during the Power San Diego campaign and helped gather signatures. That was back when it was a more grassroots movements. I got to share with my friends what an interesting and odd experience it was working with the Power San Diego people. I am grateful to have been recognized by them, and supported that effort at that critical juncture due to the advice of my good friend Prof Adam Aron. I didn’t tell folks back them because I’m pretty sure SDGE shut off the power to our family office in North Park three times!!! If you see me in real life, I’ll tell you about it! I’m not quite a conspiracy theorist, but sometimes I think I’m getting there!
Tijuana Sewage Crisis, meeting with someone (who is it?) yes it’s Xavier Becerra! Let me read up on him via wikipedia! Okay! I’ve read up on him! Who knew? He went to Stanford and has had an amazing public service career, and is running for Governor. He looks pretty good! I’m not really endorsing anyone on the blog. I’m showing up because San Diego County Supervisor Paloma Aguirre’s office asked if I was available to give my perspective as a community pediatrician on the Tijuana Sewage Crisis. I just show up when I can. I happened to be working the late shift 1-730 today and the meeting with him is at 11-12 so I can make it. This is not open to the public, so don’t come! I apologize. I’m not sure how this all works. But it helps for me to show up when I think it’s appropriate when asked, to raise awareness. The hydrogen sulfide levels are really high right now and folks are getting very sick. So I’ll show up! I’m pretty proud of myself since I was asked to meet 3 candidates, and as an almost full time working pediatrician I was able to work into my schedule to meet 2 of them. I met Matt Mahan too, who is the mayor from San Jose. I forget who the other person is, but I had clinic. It’s funny how sometimes the politicians don’t realize that most doctors work 830-5pm and can’t make normal daytime hours. I happen to work a lot of mornings, so have some afternoons off which I mostly do climate work.
H3SD San Diego’s Heat and Human Health Summit: We are meeting tomorrow for our planning meeting and I’m super proud of us! Mostly the students! The videos of the lectures were finally edited and posted on our youtube channel! I’m letting the students announce it, but I’ll share shortly. Next year it will be easier.
UCSD Academic Internship Program: I’m super proud of us this year! We are much more organized! Meeting with the 4 students on Thursday and they are going to get to speak with Bruce Bekkar who is one of my mentors. I think we’ve created a great little program for them, and they get course credit to help organize the summit. I’m meeting with two students this weekend as well to guide them on their premed journey.
OMG, I actually have a gazillion other projects going on which I need to get to now. But those of the four things I’m doing this week that I wanted to let you know. It’s all related, dolphin health and human health. I don’t think the dolphins like the sewage contamination either. I bet they are getting lung abscesses as well. Do dolphins have ears? I wonder if they get ear infections. My patients are getting ear infections from the sewage as well. Isn’t that horrible? I hope everyone who stumbles onto the blog does something to help the dolphins today. The best things we can all do, is try to chip in and do our part. And I think that is why Tammy Murga profiled me on KPBS. But it’s amazing to see so many people doing their part, and it’s not small. A lot of people are doing HUGE and IMPORTANT things! That’s why I love being in this advocacy space because people who are environmentalists are usually really nice and sometimes vegetarian and vegan. I’m not, but I’m lactose intolerant after trying to be vegan a few years ago. But that’s a whole other blogpost LOL.
I knew there would be more blog traffic since the KPBS segment but I wasn’t sure how much! Did you find my blog? Did you enter into my stream of consciousness? Now you know what I actually think about! I told one of my younger colleagues that I used to have imaginary friends when I was younger. It was mostly during the time of what I recall as silence where I think I was learning English by immersion (I mostly spoke Vietnamese when I was younger), but was plopped into American school. I just remember silence during those years and then suddenly knew English. I believe during that time I had a lot of imaginary friends.
So welcome my blog friends! Which are somewhere in between real friends and imaginary friends. But I truly know that you are earthly/green friends.
I did so much climate work the last few days. I was mostly trying to enjoy our daughter’s prom photos, so didn’t post too much. But I delivered my first talk at Kaiser Medical School which went well. I’m now connected with their instructors and will get on the list of scholarly projects that senior medical students can work with. I got on KPBS thanks to the amazing Tammy Murga. It was the segment that I think really reflects the real me. My meandering way I do climate work. What it didn’t capture is how project oriented I am, which you can see better my looking at my doximity profile or LinkNed. Not sure why I even keep on updating that stuff. Most people are on LinkNed these days. Is that how you spell it? It’s like a middle aged person’s Instagram.
The videos from H3SD 2025 were edited and uploaded on our YouTube channel, so you can watch those lectures! I need to transfer the payment to the young person who did the editing. It was $820 and took them 14 hours to edit. I’m going to rightly deduct that as a business expense. All the summit work is mostly volunteer drive and we all just kind of chip in, and this is my family’s way of chipping in.
We also met regarding the NRDC Nitrogen Fertilizer Reduction Act project which is going AMAZINGLY WELL! If you know Anna Northrup MS4 from UCSD School of Medicine, she is AMAZING! It’s been so wonderful to work with her. We have a super strong team and I’m happy to support the passionate premeds who are working on the project.
Again, lots of climate projects and legislative work. But I mostly wanted to come onto the blog this morning and tell you a sheepish “HELLO!” Thanks for looking at the blog! I’m going to try to start plogging more again, since I’ve been outed as plogger and blogger. I think that’s really niche, being a plogger and a blogger? It rhymes! I took the day off to watch our daughter do her final emerging leaders day with San Diego Girl Scouts. She is selected as an EMCEE this year, so the grandparents and I are attending. Then she gets to do senior things with her friends, and we head off to Cambridge this weekend for Harvard Admit weekend. I had at some point hoarded up 80 vacation days when I was a younger physician, but now I’m down to the mid 20s and so used those days wisely over the last few years to spend time with my own children (and do climate work). I don’t actually get any time officially to do all these projects, which is OK. It’s an existential crisis so using some of my vacation days before was my choice because I wanted to do my part to save the planet and climate for our children.
Thank you for wandering over to my blog! It’s kind of a mess but it works and it makes me happy. I hope maybe it made you smile for a bit – which is honestly enough! if you are a patient, do not worry! I am going to finish all my charts and get to all my messages today. The truth is that most doctors have to do that, work on our vacation days to catch up. That’s just the reality of being a doctor.
It’s 6:44am and I’m having some of my coffee (I’m back on coffee now and have ended my matcha era), and I’m blogging upstairs these days. My brother designed for me a custom built-in desk area and that’s where I’m blogging. I’m lucky.
The little one who is almost 18 ran out of the house without her shoes, and into the car with her father. Her Honors Ceramics class is going to LA on a field trip to the American Museum of Ceramics Arts (AMOCA) so they have a catch a bus from school, and had to leave earlier than usual. I wanted to see her outfit and see her off, but she was rushed and yelled from upstairs “Mommy, I HAVE TO GO!”
A teenage body in a blue hoodie and jeans rushed out and gave me a hug and apologized briefly, but was off before her grandmother and I could fully appreciate her. She’s off to a field trip, and soon she’ll be off to college to Harvard and Cambridge – where we are so happy she’ll be nestled for the next four years.
But I’m allowed to wallow. “Mommy, I HAVE TO GO!” And I stay at home with grandmother and grandfather, and the black poodle mix and her childhood memories. I stay home and keep myself busy taking care of other people’s children and continuing to work on climate projects. But my heart is with that teen and a twenty-year-old up at Berkeley.
It’s the universal truth of parenting in that when you succeed, you lose. You lose them to the world. As it should be. “Momma, I HAVE TO GO!” And mommy is crying on my blog because I don’t get to go with you.
