September 24, 2020
I felt overwhelmed yesteray at 430PM. I had a full packed day of morning clinic. I was happy to finish relatively on time, and had 20 minutes to make it home before my virtual meetings started. The truth is yesterday afternoon the rest of the department was OFF not working and not at meetings. I sat through meetings from 1230 to 430PM. The meetings were all about really important things like vaccination campaigns, and spreadsheets, virtual care, reducing racial and health inequities, mediCAL Performance Improvement Projects, perceptions of medical home, perception of bonding with primary care doctors, and on and on. This is important stuff and actually potentially is a decision to spend tens of thousands of dollars to evert millions in fines, and to publish our work to deploy virtual care as a way to reduce racial and health disparities. As I half dozed off at 230PM laying on the couch listening to the meeting, some comment by someone woke me up. I’m the only front-line MD that actually attends these meetings (some from other departments with their name of hte projects have never shown up) and then I start talking and spouting out ideas. The team is fantastic, but at the end of the day when the meeting is over – I have to do my part to actualize these ideas. I have lots of friends in our department that want to help, but when those ideas and proposed projects are swirling in my brain and I was the only one that attended the meeting and I’m the only one with the ideas and I haven’t yet fully articulated them to my colleagues – it can be overwhelming. I feel alone sometimes.