HMO Assistant Boss: Did My Job
June 24, 2021
I’m not a guru. I’m doing yoga more and reading more Buddhist philosophy text, and just thinking. But I’m not a guru. All I know is that doing a few minutes of yoga at night, and learning a move here and there and reading some philosophy and thinking – makes life make sense. Thinking of the planet holistically, and ordering my life and prioirities within the order of the world makes sense. It helps me understand myself better. I think that is why I have been drawn to the issue of physician wellness or burnout so much recently is that finally after being a doctor for almost 20 years, I know that I could never stop being a doctor. That is how I look at the world with a healer’s eye. I will definitely early retire from our organization at 58, but I’ll just go practice somewhere else or use my skills in a different way.
This blog has been always about recording what litterpicking has done for me. Picking up plastic on the beach, I’m at bag 26 this month already!, has helped me notice my fellow physicians more. We are honestly the best of the best, admitted for our intelligence, humanity and goodness – and then thrown into a system that chips away at all of it. The only ones who will truly look out for physician wellness are physicians. We have many other professions chipping away at what we do, yet never owning the full weight of death and illness that we choose to carry every day. I’m sorry. Doctors are pretty amazing people. And picking up litter made me notice another young physician outside of our department, and she was in a crisis mode. In the end, you either care or you don’t. I care so fundamentally that I wanted to cry seeing the little injustices that she has been going through. She’s a mommy surgeon and should have a bed to sleep on. That is it. So I made a few calls, and a friend used his political capital to make a few more calls and hopefully something happened. But in the end, I know that she felt heard. She felt at least a few people reached out and cared. And in the end, most of physician wellness issues are that – we want to be seen and heard and recognized. You are not a metric. I am not a number. We are not just FTEs. Never let anyone tell you otherwise.
And that is that. It took up some of my evening, but my kids were watching anime and I did some yoga and slept peacefully last night. I did some pediatric board questions and it wasn’t that bad. It always seems stressful getting those reminders, but really in life if you break it up into little pieces – chunking it my daughter calls it – all tasks are doable. I made banana bread and doubled the recipe, one for home and one for work. One of our wonderful nurses is leaving to pursue an advaced degree and we are so happy for her. Rather than feeding the clinic not good food, I made banans bread and will swing by sprouts and try to pick up some fruit and salad. I have a nice succulent planter for her. We will of course order salt and pepper chicken wings from Golden House! But otherwise we will be healthy.
Signing off for the morning. It was a good morning to sit and reflect, and I did some board questions and baked some banana bread. I love my mornings. I live an entire life before everyone else has gotten up. And when other people are doing bad things, bad things always happen at night, I’m alseep. The world really should be more like Dr. Plastic Picker. Get up early, reflect and do good things and make banana bread. And then go to sleep early, because it’s the darkness that brings out the darkness in you. LOL LOL LOL.