August 18, 2023

by Dr. Plastic Picker

Has it been almost a week? I’m sitting at our kitchen table and it’s 8:40am. I slept so deeply last night. I could have put myself back in to work in clinic today but it’s been such an emotional roller coaster sending our oldest to college that I kept my vacation day to be a mom. Our baby (who is a moody but very pretty 15-year-old) has her first JV Volleyball game this season. So I’m going to watch her game and listen to her 15-yo ramblings. She’s a really accomplished and intelligent and creative 15 -year-old, but sometimes she says nonsense. And as we get deeper into 15 and I’m firmly at 45, the nonsense is more pronounced. Boyfriend? No! Instagram? No! Curtain bangs? Maybe. Earrings? We did that! Boyfriend? No! I’m joking of course, she’s not asking for a boyfriend. But for any normal pretty 15-year-old who is a she and likes hes, they are in the background always. Especially when your oldest brother goes off to UC Berkeley and 50% of the freshamn class are Asian, and you are put smack in the middle of a lot of good-looking tall Asian boys. There was a point in the hotel lobby we were in the elevator and there were two very tall good looking Korean freshman, who smiled at her. I swear the girl was going to have a seizure! LOL. They were too tall though at that height it gets ridiculous because the girl is only 5’4″. It was probably too much for her. But you should have seen her dancing around the hotel room afterwards posing in front of the mirror. When you get noticed by some tall boys, it really does something to you (or her). It was all fun to watch.

But we are back now in San Diego and in her safe little world, where the 15-year-old boys are a bit less overwhelming and distinctly annoying to her because she knows them. I like this world. I like being mother to a sassy 15-year-old girl, who think actual boys kind of smell at this point. I’ve done a 180 and trying to dissuade her from going to any dances. I can’t take the drama anymore, and the real heartache.

But what I really loved was knowing the H3SD San Diego’s Heat and Human Health inaugural summit was made into reality. It was a beautiful day. I hope to those that went or were involved, that you felt it too? It was such an overwhelming sense of love and caring. I know it fundamentally affected all of the members of our family who attended and helped, including our nieces from New York. We talked about important issues in a beautiful setting at UC San Diego Medical School with good food, and most importantly with the most beautiful hearts I can imagine. It had to be volunteer. It had to be through these personal connections and not one organization leading the way. It was a coalition, but really a coalition of families and friends and doctors and academics. The authenticity was palpable.

I’ve mostly been on Instagram making reels of our oldest son’s journey to UC Berkeley, which was an 8 hour drive. The move-in was relatively simple. Boys are easier that way. He had four big IKEA blue rectangular bags and that was it. We helped him make his bed with the ubiquitous mattress topper that everyone has, and tucked in the extra-long twin sheets that Mr. Plastic Picker ordered on amazon. He had his cat anime plushie and the green cylinder pillow he has flipped around since he was little, almost in a nervous habit. It’s amazing to watch him do it. You can tell his emotions depending on the complexity of the trajectory of this pillow. You can only find them at the Korean market. He has three and brought two up to Berkeley. The extra one is safely tucked at home in his bedroom.

But I think he is probably doing okay. I didn’t expect the emotional cycling during his leaving home and arriving at Berkeley. Sadness and parting. Tears and goodbyes. A little bit of anxiety and excitement. Amazement and joy. And now a sense of stability and settling into this new reality for our entire family. I’m sitting across from his seat at the kitchen table and it feels empty. I’m like every mother and I break out into tears once in a while. I don’t let him know, because he’s being a good boy and up at school and grateful for the opportunities he will have at Berkeley. My older brother said we raised a good boy, and I know he is. I had him talk to each of his uncles before he left, to get some words of advice. My younger brother will stop by to see him in a few weeks. I’ll be up at Berkeley too, to check in on him. We won’t hover, but we’ll be there to remind him that he is part of a loving and caring community.

And he was there too at H3SD Summit. I emailed my friends this paragraph which I believe in my heart.

“We were saying goodbye to our son, and realizing that the time he spent tabling at the summit and the interactions he had (especially getting to meet Adam Aron and now working with him a bit even though he’s up at berkeley) fundamentally affected him.  I have lots of funny stories about getting getting a freshman off to college from a parents standpoint. He’s in a triple. The three boys (thank goodness) all don’t smoke/drink nor vape. I’m relieved. But then made ground riules about how to signal each other if they bring girls over and they’ll vacate the premises quickly (LOL my son was intrigued but is just starting to think about dating now, it just never happpened in high school I think too small of a student body).  But as I have the normal worries of a mom (he forgot to brush his teeth the first night LOL), I know that the work we did envelopes all of our children in this blanket of security that loving and caring adults are doing the right thing. As I was cautioning him about Raves and drugs, I know he listens to me a bit more because of the wonderful adults that have surrounding him doing climate work.“

I usually end my emails with “Green hugs and thank you for being my friends!” And yes thank you for also being my virtual and real friends! Thank you for letting me share my journey. H3SD was filled with an overwhelming sense of love, and it was fun! It was exhausting but fun and most importantly impactful. We will definitely do it again next year. What will it look like? I don’t know. It’s really the collective we who will figure it out. I just know it will be likely mid to late August at UC San Diego School of Medicine, and I’ll get to hang out with all my San Diego climate friends especially Dr. Luis Castellanos again. And I hope all my other friends come back if they are free. And we bring along new friends who are good-looking and want to help save the earth. And the secret is when you are happy and you have a good heart and do good, the joy and beauty just shines through you. It’s true. When you see that beauty, you can’t unsee it. I see you. And gosh darn it, I’ll never forget all those real genuine smiles during the summit.