January 6, 2024

by Dr. Plastic Picker

It’s 5:46am and it’s been months since I’ve been in the routine that rewired my brain and life. Getting up early in the morning to blog in the quiet of the kitchen and then taking a walk or jog to the beach to pick up some plastic. But it’s the morning again, and I’m sleeping again through the night. Some of my sleep disruption was that I had been binge-watching Kdramas for the last 2 years. Some of it is that I have been doing so much climate work and clinical work. And some of it is a little bit of perimenopause. But today I feel good, and it’s dark and my mother-in-law just wandered into the kitchen. She is well and healthy, excepting some diabetes that requires more medicines and a toe that we are watching to make sure heals properly (she was in the emergency room over the weekend due to her toe).

I’m working today the staggered shift, so 1030-730. It’s a shift that I helped create years ago when I was in middle management but likely not many people in our department remember that. A lot of the women got together and had what looked like fun, but it’s hard to tell form social media the truth. But there were smiles and I genuinely think they likely did enjoy each other’s company. I didn’t go because I did not want to go. I don’t judge anymore, and my job is not to judge them and I think they don’t judge me as well. My dad used to tell me in the midst of my burnout, that it’s okay just to show up and do your job. When you aren’t the boss or the owner and a worker bee (as doctors are these days), it’s okay just to show up to do work. I didn’t hear that in the midst of being Assistant Boss, because there was so much indirect work nonsense that I was tasked to do. But now I realize that it’s 100% true. I just show up to do my actual work, and everything (the office parties, the committees that none of us get paid to do, the extra projects, the dishes in the lunchroom) else is really all volunteer. There is a shortage of pediatricians in the country now and they have problems finding and hiring qualified doctors, so it’s also supply and demand. So it’s okay to just show up and do your job job.

And this helped me end 2024 is a beautiful way. Having that mental load lifted, and being able to say no to certain things – allowed me to say yes to my family and to the community work that I actually care about. I worked most of the actual christmas holiday week including the entire holiday, and then had most of this last week off. And during this last break when we were just at home, our family squeezed in so much living and togetherness during that time.

My daughter and I stopped by a dear friend’s house, whose wife finished her 3rd round of chemotherapy. We dropped off some Dr. Plague plushies which for some reason made me so happy, and we happily gave them to their family and just chatted trying not to get too close (as we were a little bit sick) but we desperately wanted to be together with them. It was the actual Christmas Day and it was the most beautiful part of the holiday time. I’ll never forget the looks of love between my dear cardiologist friend and his wife. The jokes and banter about young adults in our family and real estate, and the mixed in jokes about climate people we know. The love and concern between my daughter and my friend’s wife (who is my friend as well and my sister’s friend) is so very real. My daughter feels like a daughter in that house, and our families know each other going back twenty years. Their sons we worry about too. And their dog is so adorably big and lovable and misbehaved.

We wandered to Clairemont more than we should have. We ate at Arely’s and had soupy quiche and matcha oat latte that is likely one of the best in San Diego. We saw HMO people and climate people, and we ran into a couple that are teachers to my children and also former patient family to me. Also another connection that is real and authentic that goes back over 15 years, and my daughter was chatting with her AP US history teacher and did remind me we had to go because she needed to finish an actual assignment for his class. We could have stayed and chatted for hours. In the same theatre about a few weeks prior, we saw one of her school friends that was home for college and the two girls rushed and hugged each other so very tight. I could appreciate the hug because my daughter tells me the stories of her life, and the girls had traveled with school a year ago to Argentina and seen so many amazing things. But as her mother sitting in what we consider our little neighborhood movie theatre, I will remember that rush of the girls running toward each other and how tight those hugs were. We were seeing Wicked and the movie was so very good.

Our son saw Wicked as well, or was it my sister and her children. But through the course of the two weeks, I called family more and chatted and stayed connected. One niece on one side had surgery. Another niece on another side is waiting to hear from graduate schools. Always at the center is everyone on both sides asking how my mother-in-law and father-in-law are doing, and they are actually doing very well albeit the toe that we are watching carefully.

We had more meals together than I can remember, and made new recipes at home together. The dinner last night at Stone Brewery was so absurdly delicious that I wonder if it was actually delicious or was it that we were just happy? We were the four of us at Liberty Station. My son and husband watching a movie at the Lot, and my daughter and I wandering around the area for 3 hours just walking and talking and finding small adventures (and we did find matcha). We bickered a bit and my son scared us with the plot line of the vampire movie the boys watched which the girls did not, but mostly we loved each other and were just together fundamentally.

We saw the Nutcracker earlier in the holiday break, and it was the first and only time we’ve seen in during their childhoods. It’s been something I’ve been wanting to do forever, and a patient handed me the card/advertisement. And we finally made it. We dressed up in our fancy clothes and tried to take fancy pictures, and Mr. Plastic Picker had low expectations for the actual production. But the four of us universally adored the ballet and amazed that we were able to make it. Did we have dinner afterwards? I think we did. We went to a fancy Italian restaurant in our own neighborhood, and the last time we had eaten there was the Christmas before last.

My son has started bike riding, and during these last two weeks we bought him his first bike and his first car. Both events were completely unplanned. We don’t buy things we don’t need these days, but he did want a bike and we are both doctors who work too much overtime and spend too little – so we were fancy and bought him his first bike at REI. And that night, we decided the four of us to make an adventure of it when we bought him his bike. He ordered the bike with his father, and my daughter and I wondered over to the other section and looked around at the absurdly expensive outdoor clothing we didn’t need. We remembered the last time we were at REI when she was into indoor climbing, and we talked a bit about a boy that we know that climbs sometimes and saw her once. But mostly we just wandered around together. And then we saw our boys, Mr. Plastic Picker and my son, at the front of the store and they were both so handsome and dear and we were again together. We decided to go to dinner and headed to the Convoy area. There we saw the sign for the first time together, and it looked smaller than I expected. We ate at a place called Steamy Piggy and both boys and girls disagreed about the quality of the food, but we agreed that the best part of the night was seeing three college boys that are high school friends of my son. We sat there as the boys caught up and dropped more F bombs than is appropriate in front of a pediatrician, but mostly I remember how happy the four 19-year-olds were to see each other.

San Diego is home for us. And this holiday we wandered around our home, from one district to another. I even made it to Convoy again and had a two hour coffee with an HMO friend who is leaving the HMO to start at UCSD. We gossiped more than we should have about work, and mostly I noticed her and know more about her life. We laughed so much and drew our lives together, and the parts of our community closer together.

That’s how I ended 2024, and began 2025. Life is truly beautiful. I’m grateful that I got to remember some of those moments with you on this blog.