Cookies and Coffee: Just like that It’s Over
July 18, 2021
Something absolutely wonderful and weird happenend. Between semi-binge watching Dawson’s Creek, giving up per diem physician management as per the request of the HMO machinery, and realizing how sweet the cherry tomatoes from our garden tasted, I stopped drinking coffee. Yes, just like that. I stopped. It’s been 36 hours, and I haven’t gone without coffee at least 2 to 6 cups a day for almost 13 years to this day. I also stopped for the most part cursing (I know, I know, it was a horrible habit and I only did it – in front of my husband or co-workers when the doors were all closed).
I went for a real jog and walked along the beach last night. And then came home and had a good nights sleep. I woke up at 5am or so. I had gone through all of my medical training including chief residency and the endocrine clinical year without coffee. PICU, NICU, pediatric surgery rotation – all of it without coffee. I remember now that after the birth of our daughter when she was a preemie baby and then brining her home from the NICU, it was a stressful time in life. In retrospect, I had postpartum depression. I didn’t recognize it. No one who cared for me recognized it. No one asked. I self medicated with coffee, lots of cream and lots of sugar. That is how I coped with life. And the coffee habit fluctuated from 2 cups to sometimes 6 cups a day with lots of cream and sugar.
But this weekend it happened, the coffee habit ended without much fanfare. My body feels right. I realize through the demands of work, emotional stress – it was my crux. I’m lactose intolerant anyway. It’s hard to get sustainable grown coffee anyway. And I put way too much sugar in it anyway. Oh, the cursing for the most part stopped about the time I started walking along the beach plogging.
Without the coffee, time has slowed down more. The tomatoes from the garden are so sweet this year. I think some of it is the compost, but some of it was that I didn’t drink coffee with sugar yesterday. I had the cherry tomatoes at breakfast with a sandwhich and then at dinner we used it on our homemade pizza. It was hard to get enough to put on the pizza, because I kept popping them into my mouth. And the sky looked beautiful yesterday above the Pacific, despite the air pollution. I noticed a monarch butterfly when I was sitting in the car at the park, waiting for our daughter to finish volleyball. And I gave more hugs to Mr. Plastic Picker yesterday.
When one is on the path of healing, it is slow but real. Healing the earth. Healing ourselves. Sometimes I doubt myself. But then I get these little flashes of fundmanetal change that just happened because I’m just better. I’ll still eat cookies here and there, but I much prefer vegan muffins homemade now with whatever leftover ingredients I have around the house. Life is so sweet now with the cherry tomatoes from our garden.