Category: Our Tween/Teen

August 28, 2022

by Dr. Plastic Picker

My real plan is to go for a jog this morning. That’s my real plan. I need to work on some basic cardio at least three times a week. I think I can safely go back to jogging regularly now that my foot pain is better and my back no longer hurts. Those aches and pains are gone now, and I feel fundamentally I’m healthier. But I want to work on my blood pressure, which had crept up to the high 110s and low 120s. I used to always be 100/70. Trying to find balance in how one moves ones body is very important. But I had to work on my mental health and my professional work-life balance. I had always been a fast runner, so picking up jogging again is going to be okay. I won’t go back to running half marathons. I don’t think it’s good for my knees.

My other real plan in life is how to save the earth, or at least try to avert the worse of climatic disaster. One of my climate friends asked if I wanted to go to COP 27 which is in Egypt this cycle. I could totally go to COP 27. I have friends that are going, and I’m sure I can insert myself into multiple delegations. But I don’t think the earth wants me to spew carbon from San Diego to Egypt. Lets use one of those on-line calendars. Keep in mind this is doubled, because it would be a round trip flight.

Wow. That is amazing. I also decided (with the earth) that I’m not going to AAP National Conference which is in Anaheim. There are going to be so many climate and health advocates there. We are awash with us in California, that can fill the speaking spots. It will be too overwhelming for me. I don’t need to be where there are enough of us. I will go to our HMO regional pediatric symposium in October. I will go to Oregon in October with family, and to check out our tree house. I will go to DC hopefully in April to present our vaccine equity project if I can get it written in time, as two of the premed interns want to present and need a paper to write for their medical school applications. I will speak at our HMO regional asthma symposium, which is virtual anyway. I will help my friend Dr. Elizabeth Friedman put on her Environmental Justice conference in Kansas City. I will plan on taking a sabbatical sometime next year. I’ve been with our organization now 15 years and I’m overdue and want to do this for myself and the earth. I have applied for a national HMO federation type sustainability position, and I’m still waiting to hear. I will continue to practice pediatrics and take care of my patients, and be happy at work with the actual practice and art of medicine.

And my major plan for the future, is that at some point when my children are finished with graduate school – I plan to be a grandmother. I would like a livable future for my children and their children, whether we can stay in Southern California or we will be part of the global climate migrations and migrate up to our properties in Oregon. Yes, climate change is happening and Dr. Plastic Picker has already made real estate moves to prepare. My daughter asked me yesterday if Korea will be too hot to live in at some points of the year, given the high likelihood that she marry someone who is Korean or part Korean. It’s hard to know. Right now in their father’s hometown in South Korea is in the 80s and raining. On our farm in Oregon, we are for now safe from the >2000 acres wildfire raging in Medford which is south of our farm. Our neighbor told us the air quality is OK right now. My mother’s hometown in Vietnam will likely be underwater with even a few inches of sea level rise.

And the funny thing is that worrying about the next next next , which is climate change. And then trying to slow life down by living with less plastic and generally living a more minimalistic life, has slowed the present to a beautiful snail’s pace. And in that restoration of the sense of time, has given me more time and space to do everything especially to be mindful of the two teenagers we are raising. They are turning out well. Our son has his college rank list and he’s chipping away with the applications. He’s appropriately stressing about senior year AP Biology, and getting ready for the start of classes. Our daughter is reading some good books (they are both good readers and writers), and taking time to develop her high school fashion style. We didn’t travel much purposefully because they have their things they needed to do. Cross country camp, volley ball setting camps, summer school, summer internships and on and on. They accomplished what they both set out to accomplish this summer. I am very proud of them. While I was cleaning the beaches and have been trying to save the earth for everyone, everything kind of righted itself. I actually think both will likely get into Ivy League schools, although Mr. Plastic Picker doesn’t necessarily agree. I used to stress about what kind of schools they would eventually get into, but now one realizes it’s more the kid than the school. And also I’m going to miss them if they go to far from me.

That’s it. Just my thoughts this morning. Mr. Plastic Picker is back from walking our crazy black poodle mix and he’s making his coffee now. I love the sound of family as they are puttering around the kitchen and I’m typing away in my own blogging world. The future is here now. After I chat with my original Kdrama boyfriend (Mr. Plastic Picker), I’m going to go jogging for 30 minutes and pick up one bag of plastic pollution.

August 12, 2022

by Dr. Plastic Picker

Yes! I’m blogging while taking the PALS (Pediatric Advanced Life Support) Pre Course Assessment. It’s an every 2 year course that most pediatricians take, and all trainees take. Since it’s been almost 19 years since I graduated medical school – this must be the 9th time right?

I’m right now on Section 3 on question 8/29. Since it’s the pre-course assessment, I can toggle back and forth between blogging and answering questions. So far so good.

But I really wanted to take this morning while I’m on my PALS journey again for the 9th time, to use a play on words and think of the real PALS in life. This week has been one of self-reflection. I’ve been asked and asked myself, what if I was asked to lead again? And the honest answer is, there has been a silence from the other side and I now realize that it was meant to be. I think initially I was a bit hurt, but now I know it came from a place of love. I was honest and open about my burn out, and why I chose an alternate path. I’ve blogged about it at least 700 times. I realize now that when I articulated my hurt, that I was listened to. And those that were higher than me with responsibilities, understood and have left me alone. Sitting here taking PALS for the 9th time. I truly appreciate it.

I was with my daughter at her physical yesterday morning, and I chatted with her doctor and my friend. My daughter’s pediatrician is the remnant of my Assistant Boss times, the one that I’ll keep in contact with. We talked about my daughter, and in general my family’s health and I had a stark realization yesterday. The kids are healthier since I voluntarily stepped down from Assistant Boss. I’m healthier. And I think as evidence from this blog, the earth is healthier. I took time for myself yesterday and visited my brother’s family, and laughed with my nephews and my sister-in-law. We ate carbohydrates and knew that was part of a our healthy life, because we were creating food memories yesterday. And I didn’t do that before. The way I’m wired at work, is that when I commit to something I commit with my whole heart. And honestly 90 fractious pediatricians to love with my whole heart, was breaking it. I couldn’t understand why sometimes when my whole goal was just to make everyone’s life a little bit better by reducing after hours shifts and managing the part-time doctors and trying to find the perfect schedule for everyone, that sometimes folks would lash out. Or at least I felt they were lashing out at me. Those comments still hurt, and I’ve dealt with it and just put distance between myself and them. Now that I have no official position, it’s easier.

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July 27, 2022

by Dr. Plastic Picker

This is my emotional journal through burn out, climate grief, and the difficulties of being a middle-manager MD mother. This is me documenting what it’s like to be on the other-side. I’m happy these days and that happiness is important to me and the earth. It’s only by knowing myself and trying to know people and understand them, that I can try to nudge them to help me save the earth.

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July 16, 2022

by Dr. Plastic Picker

I never knew Mr. Plastic Picker’s surname has a Chinese and Vietnamese equivalent. Per Wikipedia “It derives from the Chinese character 尹 also used for the Chinese surname Yǐn and Doãn in Vietnam.” My surname is the most common surname in Vietnam. I’m attached to it and did not change it. But it doesn’t carry the gravitas and responsibility that my husband has for his surname. My husband is the only son of the only son. Therefore our eldest son is the only son of the only son of the only son – in a family and culture that is still patriarchal.

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July 11, 2022

by Dr. Plastic Picker

I don’t talk about physician burn-out as much anymore. But as I get further from needing to talk about it, my own teen daughter brings it up here and there. I never realized how close we were to the other alternate reality of if I had not decided enough was enough – it was time to pick up trash and go to the beach. Then it was that decision a few months ago when everything was honestly fine with middle management and Assistant Boss, but I decided I wanted more time to work on climate work and spend time with family. I decided 5 years was enough of Assistant Boss, and as quietly as I could left without burning any bridges.

We are having a slow summer. It’s that beautiful time that I know will be gone in a moment, when both of our young people are here at home and still dependent on us. Our son is studying for his drivers permit and at 17, still has to ask for a ride. He’ll be driving soon enough and I’m happy to keep this one connection still strong between him and the adults in the house. Our daughter has friends that are traveling throughout the world, and she is here having a slow summer of mornings in the ceramics studio, afternoons practicing volleyball, reading and keeping herself busy. And I am still miraculously one of the people she still wants to be with.

So yesterday afternoon Mr. Plastic Picker had to again work extra shifts in the hospital, because that is what happens in his department. He’s still in the thick of middle management and surviving because I’ve decided I need to focus on him. I dropped our son off at a friend’s house for one of an endless stream of teenage summer get-togethers. They are seniors now and hanging out at the mall, beach, and doing innocent things like taking pictures with their shirts off and reenacting Lord of the Flies around a La Jolla backyard propane fire pit. I know because our son is close enough to us to text us some pictures, that his sister playfully threatens to keep as backup blackmail evidence. It’s a beautiful glimpse into a Southern California Suburban childhood that we wanted when we left Cambridge and our dreams of Harvard academic careers.

But after dropping off our son at his friend’s house, my now 14-year-old daughter was feeling restless with our relatively quiet weekend and wanted to DO SOMETHING. So I said, let’s keep the earth in mind and do something relatively close to where we are. We headed to Balboa Park and it was 430pm on a Sunday afternoon. We’ve been there before perhaps 6 months ago at 430pm on a Sunday afternoon, and I think it’s my favorite time to go there. There is parking as the days visitors are leaving. You can see the remaining stragglers who are still grasping the last moments of their well-planned weekend. There were couples sitting outside coffee shops that had already closed. There were families speaking Korean on skate boards around the plaza. New fancy restaurants were closed that were so fancy, that I cannot believe this is the same town I grew up in. I had forgotten my wallet and we only could find $5 in the car, and that is all we had. Only having $5 and knowing that we wanted only to drive as far as my electric hybrid car would take us but still remaining on the electric powered mileage part, had us wandering around the park on foot as San Diegans and tourists ended their day in Balboa Park.

As we walked hand in hand, and she was chatting her thoughts and I daydreamed about her future – she told me again what makes me sometimes sad but at the end grateful. I remember mommy when you were so busy, and angry sometimes. You would yell at us at times in the car, and I remember seeing a book on the table called “Stop Physician Burn Out.” And then you went to the beach and started picking up trash and you were happier. And in the context of her telling me this, she wanders into her volleyball tryouts and her new work-out strength regimen and how she realizes the running part she can stop at 30 minutes. She wants to concentrate on getting more touches into her volleyball regimen. I don’t comment on her body purposefully as I’ve seen too many mothers do this, and the downstream consequences of focusing on body image. And she talks about food in a beautiful way. We had just $5 and we bought a $4 ice cream. She wanted most of it, and she made sure we both had a good simple dinner at home which she cooked. And she mentioned off-hand that she realizes among the beauty tips on facial care that she is watching and the new hair cut she is planning and the new wardrobe that she is dreaming of, that at dinner it’s important to just add some tomatoes and fruit and it makes her body feel better and full.

That is the reality I live in. And I realize that the alternate reality was frightening closer than I imagined. Children especially teen girls need attention from their mothers. Tangential thoughts of your local litter picking pediatrician. It was a very nice weekend with only $5 to spend.

May 22, 2022

by Dr. Plastic Picker

It’s 820AM and Sunday morning. The two teenagers are fast asleep. Mr. Plastic Picker had worked 3 extra overtime shifts Saturday, and then within the last 20 minutes of his shift (which he did telemedicine from home) was called into the hospital to do an urgent procedure. This kind of put a wrench into our plans as a family to have dinner. He was slightly annoyed and had to throw on scrubs and leave the house. We were planning on going to UTC in La Jolla for some window-shopping and dinner. The teenagers watched another English period drama episode they are watching together, and I waved him off standing in the front yard as he drove off in his old trusty Prius. When you are a young doctor newly getting paid to save people’s lives, the paging and the immediacy and the hero-worship can be thrilling and addictive. But for us well into middle-age and having been doing this competently for over 15 some would say 20 years, it gets old. It gets old – really fast.

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May 12, 2022

by Dr. Plastic Picker

I am so proud of this kid. A blurred image of him from our time in DC. I was a research fellow back them at the National Institutes of Health Intramural Research Program. I was working in an endocrine lab, but really just looking at surveys and spreadsheets all day. It was a magical year where I was getting a very small stipend that hardly paid for his preschool. We were hemorrhaging money that year, as Mr. Plastic Picker was finishing Musculoskeletal Radiology fellowship up in Boston, and was commuting to DC weekends to see us. We had a small apartment behind NIH, that was the shabbiness place that we had ever lived in. You could hear the neighbors running the bath. We think they were running a laundry service out of their apartment. It was furnished with IKEA furniture that didn’t withstand our young family. The apartment was semi-subsidized by NIH – but not really. It wasn’t that affordable either especially on my research stipend, but I could walk right into work as the back entrance of NIH abutted the grounds.

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April 15, 2022

by Dr. Plastic Picker

We are back after one of the most unexpected vacations we’ve ever had. We were supposed to be in Hawaii staying at a family home, but ended up in San Francisco because of a once in a lifetime Oregon snowstorm that closed the I-5 up to our farm.

Let me explain. Our daughter was in Alaska on a once-in-a-lifetime school trip and she was exposed to COVID-19 by very close contacts. Even though we technically could have traveled and she had tested negative on day 3 after exposure and not ill and Hawaii stopped checking, we did not travel to Hawaii. The decision to not fly to Hawaii is because it was the right thing to do. We worried about being stuck in Hawaii if someone in the family became sick. We worried about having to take care of her, being an ex-preemie and formerly more sick when she was younger, out of state. We worried even just having to miss work, even though we both haven’t used any of our COVID time alloted by the state and the HMO, because we are health professionals who if we get sick – have large ripple effects on our patients. We try to avoid having to do that for our fellow physicians. If everyone did this, the whole system would run better – but that’s a discussion for later. We called a close friend for advice, and appreciated her listening to us. In the end, we made the decision that was right for our family which was to take a road trip. In the end our daughter did not end up getting COVID, and no matter what we are grateful for at least that.

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April 10, 2022

by Dr. Plastic Picker

I’ve been thinking about the power of speech, the power of words and the power of voice lately. When babies are born, a good measure of how healthy they are is the volume of their cry. If a baby comes out into the world crying and screaming, then things are working. The lungs are working. The heart is working, and usually the APGAR scores (the measure at birth of how healthy they are) are high.

Our daughter the last few weeks has composed several spoken word poems that simply amazed me. I’m not one to give credit where credit is not due. I think I’m relatively objective when evaluated my own children’s writing. She was good both the composition of the poem and the deliver. She was very very good.

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April 4, 2022

by Dr. Plastic Picker

It’s Monday morning at 632am, and I’m sitting at the kitchen table that has been thrice handed down. It’s my mother-in-law this morning instead of my father-in-law, as she is boiling something on the stove. The blue light of the fire on the kitchen range is something that defines my morning. It’s either lemon tea, porridge or water for their coffee that is the focus of the first fire. At some point we will need to get an induction stovetop as it does not make climate sense to burn methane (natural gas), but it’s on our to-do list. The parents-in-law are getting their COVID 2nd booster today. My mother-in-law told me, and I had heard from Mr. Plastic Picker already. Eventhough I already knew, I have learned to be quieter and listen to her and nod. Ask her a short question to make sure I knew that she knew I cared.

It’s a quiet weekend because the vibrant energy of our daughter is out of state, on a once-in-a-lifetime for most children school trip to Alaska. We try to raise her the way we were raised, without too much emphasis on material things. But both her parents are doctors, and her little private school enabled me to be a working mother and figure out motherhood and taking care of other people’s children. She’s turned out well, and is a credit to herself and her family. For her the once-in-a-lifetime trip for most children is still special, and she appreciates these opportunities that she is given.

I’m smiling this morning, but smiling more quietly. I’m smiling mostly for a close friend whose eldest has been accepted and going to UC Berkeley. Many friendships that start at work are complicated, because the practice of medicine is complicated. My relationship with this friend is complicated. But my joy for this family and this child is so true, and I’m soaring with them that this particular child was able to do it – and overcome obstacle after obstacle thrown in her way and her family’s way. Life is unfair. We are all fighting for equity, but we are not there yet. But this is 100% a win for the world but more importantly, I’m thinking of just my friend and her pride and her mothering and her doctoring. I write too much for most to notice, but if you are reading this – know that you are one of the people I most admire in the world. And I am happy for you and your baby.

And I’m smiling today for my babies too. All my babies. My own children, the oldest who is asleep and will be driven to school for only another month or so before he gets his own car. I’m smiling for the little children in my practice, as my heart is wide open now – to play and to laugh and to smile with them in clinic. I’m smiling for the earth. And I’m smiling mostly for myself and another mommy doctor, because it’s really hard to raise kids when you are tasked with taking care of other people’s children. And somehow via different paths, we figured it out. Both of us. All of us.

Let’s figure out together how to take care of now the earth.