It’s at an end. It’s at an absolute end, and it’s for the best of everyone involved. It started with a cute boy, then a dress and the heels. And it ends with the dress and the heels. The dress will be worn again, as there are actually two size iterations and two pairs of matching heels. And there is a little 14-year-old girl who had her pride and heart dented. It was so confusing and complex, but in the end it was all very real. And what emerged was a still very young and innocent 14-year-old girl who would rather dream of boys in books, and a pediatrician mother who realizes how absolutely amazing and mature and loving this 14-year-old is. There is so much affection and awesomeness in this person, that it’s hard to not want to share how awesome this person is.
For me there was absolute closure last night, because at some point you know when things are not productive. It’s been healing to be at a place in my life when I realize I don’t need to understand everything, and I don’t have the right to pry. And most importantly I know it’s not my place to judge circumstance, and I don’t need to question intentions. My job is to save the earth, and raise my awesome human being.
And that’s what I did last night. I asked her to take a risk, and to be a kind person and try to be friends. And it was so absolutely hard for her to agree to that. She spent time making something special and was willing to share it, and it didn’t work out and the gift left ungiven. She was confused. And she was honestly hurt again. And the greatest two hurts in her life, I inflicted by being open to new connections and now experiences and wanting those for her.
But the rain that likely contributed to gifts being left ungiven has stopped this morning. Mr. Plastic Picker, her father is up working in his home-office to earn extra money as that is how he loves his daughter. He loves her so much, as do her grandparents and her brother and as do I. And she’s asleep after talking to me late into the night, about her dreams and how somewhere out there – there is an awesome boy who will be her partner in life, but that we don’t know what that boy looks like or who that boy is. We just know that he’s awesome like her.
That things did not work out is okay. Because I seek not to judge, and to make sure I guide my own child through these tough years – I have the freedom to remember and to thank. I’ve since deleted all the images and emails and text messages, because it’s somewhat painful for me too. But I will remember the humor, the writing, the mutual exchange of anecdotes. I will remember a lovely family that I do not understand fully despite so many commonalities, and a family that will go forward and continue to make the world a better place. But mostly I will remember our narrative which is the dress and the heels and the moments my daughter and I dreamed together.
I love you so much. And I actually continue to love the other family and son, as they are beautiful people but just not the right people. Climate work has given me that. To realize I don’t have the answer and that all of us understand the world incompletely, and only have glimpses into the heart of others – no matter how many emails were exchanged.
It’s an unexpected and abrupt end, that I initiated. I wanted to give her closure but it was not the closure I imagined. But it’s closure. And there is a beautiful world out there, and the next half of being 14.
It’s going to rain again this afternoon. There has seen an atmospheric river and apocalyptic amount of rain is being dumped upon California. The pictures from Northern California look horrendous. Here at our house, our saved bathwater is not that useful since there is so much actual rain.
On this rainy day, what does one do when one is used to perfect weather in San Diego? Our two children are in Korean lessons. I’m just thinking about how lucky Mr. Plastic Picker and I are. We had these vague ideas when the children were born, that we would like them to speak multiple languages since we ourselves are native speakers in two different languages. Getting there was more difficult than we thought, even with the family resources and having our own language skills as another resource. But our freshman and our senior are sitting in their respective rooms, taking their virtual Korean language class and I am happy. Both required speech therapy at some points in elementary school, and I honestly was very concerned. But now, our son speaks solidly three languages. And our daughter speakers very well three languages, and now going to formally start studying the fourth.
It’s hard to know how they will use these language skills. But we did our part, we gave them a head start.
Last weekend was the weekend of the Creme Puffs. Our baby (who is 14) decided to make 150 creme puffs. These were hand-made and hand-delivered by said 14-year-old. The creme puffs turned out wonderfully, but all the recipients were not exactly who were planned. We let our natural relationships and who actually likes creme puffs and who lives near us and who responded to emails timely, dictate to whom the creme puffs went to.
She thought the creme puff baking experience and delivery were disappointing, but now that we are a few days from the actual creme puff delivery – all I can say is that they were an absolute success! The actual creme puffs were light and airy and delicious. And unbeknownst (did I really use that cool word) to her, the intent of the creme puffs reached their destination and there is a lot of humor and good will between two families right now. The actual children are not really aware, but two families are aware. We are at a good place in our family pseudo-kdrama, waiting for two people to go through the pangs of adolescence.
But the entire creme puff episode reminded me that even creme puffs are a lot of work! I thought Mr. Plastic Picker and I were destined from the first meeting, but I had forgotten the years of friendship and all the encouragement and support our parents and friends gave us. We tend to recreate our own narrative, and I had written out in my mind all the others that supported and encouraged our relationship on the way. It’s funny the perspective the decades gives you.
Raising teenagers that will embrace adulthood and meaningful work and meaningful relationships is a lot of work as well! I think Mr. Plastic Picker and I are doing a decent job of things as we get our son through his senior year and our daughter through a more challenging freshman year than we expected (not academically but the entire social dynamics of being a teen girl). They are two funny and loving teenagers, and their lives are more nuanced and complex than I ever understood. But I love having the time to hear the changes day by day, and witness them and sometimes participate in their lives. These teenage years is absolutely absolutely beautiful. And one of the joys that climate work has given me, is being more present for them – more present to see the adults they are becoming. The particulars I’ll keep close to my heart. I have a rosy view of the world these days. Remember I’m the litter-picking pediatrician that believes I can save the earth (along with you), so of course I believe in the happy ending of the 100+ episode family pseudo-kdrama. Allow me my dreams dear reader, it keeps this climate activists going. And they are innocent and actually I think helping everyone.
But yesterday was an epic climate day. We had our first meeting of the 2023 Public Health Advisory Council for Climate Actions Campaign. I’m still trying to figure out my leadership style, or my co-leadership style with Dr. Katie Crist. And at the end of the day, the results are the truth and we had an engaged and dynamic PHAC meeting. So many beautiful faces and talking about advocacy. Our group feels closer together, and we have a lot of shared projects that we are doing. PHAC is going to gather at our home soon to talk climate and health, and eat vegan food!
Also yesterday I pushed forward the shared event with San Diego Audubon Society and our HMO. It had been in the back of my mind, but at yesterday’s meeting we hashed everything out and I think it will be easier than expected to bring our two organizations together to help with the upcoming Least Tern nesting season. More to come!
And the youth and climate art exhibition is going very well! The premed interns are really knocking it out of the park with their work. So proud of them. Hopefully today I can find a gallery space for us to show the children’s work.
Doing a lot of climate work here. I didn’t go to an HMO department gathering where it sounds like there was a lot of fun to be had. But honestly I have no regrets and don’t think about it much. It honestly did not sound that much fun to me, and I’d rather spend time with my own teenagers and I have more than enough friends in my life and don’t need anymore – especially if they aren’t climate friends. So I didn’t go. But I’m honestly glad everyone else had fun. Middle-management meetings seem so far away these days. I’m happy I’ve drifted off to climate work, which I’m much more suited.
Happy rainy day to California. I’m off to take care of some minor medical/dental things as I need to take care of myself so I’m taking a preplanned sick day!!! Yes I am. And you should too! We get dental coverage for a reason, to take care of your teeth! You don’t have to have a sob story to explain taking a sick day. Your health is your business so take care of yourself! In my world, no explanations needed. I trust you to love yourself.
The time was wrong on the microwave clock this morning. I had forgotten to reset the clock when the power went out on Christmas Eve. The children were fast asleep, and it was really just Mr. Plastic Picker and I that noticed since his HMO computer thingamajiggy was beeping. It was very brief just a minute or so, and things were reset and we went back to sleep.
We didn’t mention it to the children when we awoke on our slow and peaceful Christmas Day. There are so many of those moments in life that even when you are together in the same household, like the power going out on the in-between time of Christmas Eve finishing and Christmas Morning beginning, that you don’t share because the others did not notice. It happened, but really only two people experienced it.
This weekend was filled with those moments that we all shared. We all noticed. We were together. One set of grandparents are up in Utah, making memories with another set of grandchildren. And my two children, after a wonderful day filled with the smell of my daughter’s homemade cinnamon rolls filling the house and our bellies (in appropriate portion sizes of course), agreed to walk up with me on my most favorite walking path from our house to their maternal grandparents’ house.
Sometimes I wonder how that became the walk to the grandparents’ house, but it literally is the walk – that hugs along the Pacific Coast along one of the most scenic and biodiverse areas in the world. And we did that walk, and saw them before they head back to their new home away from us and their old lives.
It was such a beautiful and memorable walk. Just 45 minutes really. I showed them the sandstone cliffs that are often on my Instagram feed, and the rocks that I balance on as I’m cleaning the ocean. We went to deliver some medical things I had purchased for them at the HMO company store, and for our daughter to show them the actual print out of her report card which she can explain in pretty good Vietnamese that they are all As and A+s in honors classes. I’m most proud of her for knowing that phrase well. And we sat on the couch that is on the beautiful balcony overlooking the Pacific Ocean.
It’s real life but it’s also a metaphor. I saw with my father for a few long moments, and we talked about their 50th wedding anniversary next year and how they want to celebrate. We talked about Hawaii and San Diego, the weather and their happiness in their new home. We talked about memories and health, and we talked about death. At some point, we found my mother as she was furiously trying to clean the outside of a house that she is passing on to my brother. She doesn’t need to clean it anymore, but she can’t stop herself when she is in San Diego. At some point, we got her to sit down and enjoy the view and the quiet. We talked about the big 50th anniversary coming up again. Mr. Plastic Picker didn’t come on the walk with us, but he did arrive shortly afterwards to pick us up since we had made it to the grandparents’ house just before dark. He chatted with my brother and laughing with our son. Through the clear balcony doors that are so much cleaner than mine, my father commented at how handsome our son is. That he didn’t get into his early decision school doesn’t really bother us now, because he’s going to do well no matter where he ends up and we have a lot of resources and I admit privilege to be able to support him along his journey. We talked about the other equally wonderful schools that he is applying to. And I’m very much like my father, I’d rather our son be good-looking then anything. This is why my father and I are very much alike. Good-looking and a good person.
And then the princess walked in, our princess at least. Our daughter walked in and hugged her grandparents and she kissed them. She’s the embodiment (like all the other grandchildren) of the love of many generations. She’s the embodiment of the love of my parents who survived war and displacement, racism and macroagressions. She’s the embodiment of the hope of my family. I quietly told my father our plans, about college and law school and how she can be molded to be an activist as well.
But as she walked away to join the others in the kitchen, we commented and thinking the same thing. Gosh, she’s good looking and she’s ours.
Afterwards our daughter was laughing much of the night, about how funny her grandparents are. They are like most grandparents on this earth of ours. Marveling at the miracle of how love and beauty can be passed on to the next generation.
I wanted so badly to talk to my friend who I’m not allowed to email. It’s a self-imposed “not allowed to email” situation because I don’t want to bother them, and my family does not want me to bother them. My friend is a father and I imagined him to be the perfect father-in-law to my daughter. But obviously that is not my decision to make right now. My friend was an educator for a long time before becoming an important player in the University of California system, so he knows children well. He is also a father to a boy and likely understands some of my confusion and parenting dilemmas (wow that’s a hard word to spell without spellcheck).
But I’m a pediatrician and I should be the perfect parent right? That’s what the world expects of me. Am I allowed to struggle? Am I allowed to make mistakes? If as a pediatrician your kids don’t “turn out well” isn’t there more judgement? I’m not worried about the judgement part, because I’ve moved beyond it. But I’ve always known that parents who work a lot and who are forced to place other’s needs in front of their own family’s needs and who have little control over their schedule, we’re supposed to be the perfect parents? In fact, good parenting is antithesis to the work-life of most doctors even pediatricians. It’s a fact.
My big task this morning is to figure out a title for the HMO Regional Asthma Symposium Presentation I’m giving on Friday morning. I think I’m going to name it “45 and my 2nd Act as a clean air advocate: @drplasticpicker a burnout story.” I’m opening up powerpoint right now and going to update slides I used for the MGHfC/Harvard Grand Rounds I gave in November.
Actually I renamed it. I think this works better “My Second Act as a Clean Air Advocate and SDPCA.” I’m going to talk about burn out, but focus on two recent projects we are working on which is rallying against the Mitsubishi Cement Plant and thousands of more diesel trucks in the Environmental Justice neighborhood of Barrio Logan. And also I’m going to touch on indoor air pollution and the push for building electrification.
I don’t really tell anyone other than the SDPCA/AAPCA3 email list and then my immediate clinic friends about the things we are doing. The clean air work and this beautiful alternate world as a climate and health doctor has been this beautiful thing that has happened. It’s connected to our department as all the players are also part of it, but it’s also outside of work as it’s all volunteer for us and for me. It’s a non-transactional relationship and completely a transformational journey for many of us, and has been for me
With that, it’s been hard. I left middle-management willingly and enthusiastically to pursue environmental health advocacy. The outside work needed to be done, and it was volunteer and honestly not enough people are showing up to do this work. With small efforts, I have a greater impact on child health than sitting at middle-management meetings. I had no grand plan for when I felt quietly exited middle management, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I’ve moved on to more regional and national work within our HMO. I’m making connections with climate and health advocates in Oregon, Northern California and other regions. We are all working toward the same goal and interestingly there are a lot of people like me, former chiefs and assistant chiefs, who realized we had to work outside to change the inside.
But I do get sad sometimes. I’ve chosen to be very quiet and let my former middle management colleagues figure out their second act. But as I see what I had worked on for five years be dismantled piece by piece, I get sad. But I know that everyone has to recreate their own reality. If you don’t make it yourself, you never feel that sense of ownership. I had thought I had been doing that work collaboratively, but as little things are changed that had remnants of my former administrative self – I naturally feel hurt. That had been years of effort. Years of worry. Years of how I felt things were efficiently organized to make life better for all of us. I had my colleagues wellness and my own wellness at the forefront always during those five years as Assistant Boss, and then the previous 5 years as lead of our clinic. It was a decade of my life, and a decade is a long time.
But one has to say goodbye and a department moves on. I’m a bit player sitting in my corner, and going to just wait it out. Wait until the new generation takes over at some point. It’s too painful for me emotionally to go to meetings and to participate. I listen in, or listen to the recordings. I find so much joy in my actual patients and clinical medicine, and I often wonder what insanity led me into management before. And I’m reminded that it was because the work was being dumped on me anyway as a young mommy doctor, and I had decided that if I’m going to be pressured to do the work than I might as well have the title and get the tiny little bonuses that are associated with it. I think that was the right thing to do as a woman doctor. And that led to the next which led to the next, which led to burnout.
But I’m happy and it’s best not to question our life’s journey. I have realized now that it’s in my own self-interest to acknowledge my emotions and that how I’m feeling is important too. So that’s how I’m feeling now. I’m also incredibly sad about our family’s pseudo kdrama. Nothing has happened otherwise, but it had been such a beautiful time of dreaming together about a shared future and family and friendship. We are doing very well and our daughter is flourishing in her speech team, and academically and in the midst of normal 14-year old worries about her sports teams. I learned so from that time. I learned that I need to place boundaries around how much I am involved in her life. I learned about para-social relationships (she taught me that), and to cherish the real relationships I have. I learned about my own intrinsic biases and we confronted at least a decade earlier than planned, how we at parents want to begin to navigate having young adults who will at some point date and hopefully create their own families. But the most important thing I learned is how incredibly wise my own daughter is, and how also incredibly young. I get flashes of the future woman she will do, and then stark reminders that she is firmly fourteen.
Rather than trying to meddle in her life or have para-social relationships with future in-laws and future son-in-laws, I’m allowed to lay in her bed and watch her study at her desk. She’s a beautiful child and of course I know I am biased because she is mine. But I lay there and I look at her, and I see her profile with her blue-blocking glasses perched on her beautiful nose. She’s always working on her schoolwork, and perfecting the presentations and making sure she presents her best work. I’m proud to say she’s one of the top students in her class, which I’m still puzzled about because not once have I asked her to do that. In fact during elementary school when the students were allowed to test into the higher spanish and math, I did not sign her up because I didn’t want my former preemie 28 weeker to be stressed. But she ended up in those classes anyway just through her performance. But I get to lay there and watch her study. She’ll ask me questions here and there, and smile at me. But I get to hear her quiet mutterings and comments to herself. She is one of those, very chatty to herself. She sings in the bathroom. She talks to herself at times. And two nights ago, the fourteen year old who now knows she can wear a shade of lipstick and pull an outfit together and wow some speech judges – had in her imagination already told her same-age law-school boyfriend that he’d have to wait for her at Yale Law because she had to go to fellowship and live in a flat in London. So she has been dreaming too along with me, about the future. But I’m glad now that it’s an amorphous person that does not have a name yet. Just a fuzzy thought it the back of her mind.
So we are firmly at fourteen and she turned to me yesterday and I told her I was done with my musings and imaginations about her future husband. And she looked at me with wise eyes and said, “That is good mommy. You told me I can’t date anyway until after my SATs.” She’s got better things to do. But I’m so happy we got to go shopping again for shoes and she looked beautiful at her speech tournament. I’ve realized that she’s very picky about friends and likely about future romantic interests. And I’m so proud of her for that. She won’t settle for just anyone and doesn’t encourage others to pay attention to her in that way. She just wants to preview what it would be like to be a “fancy lawyer lady.”
So I’m lucky, inordinately lucky. My department has moved on. Our family has moved on from our family’s pseudo Kdrama (although in the back of my mind it was just a weird coming of circumstance that I think they’ll meet again in a decade by accident). And I’m still here happy to be a general pediatrician and get to do clean air work. I get to be the mother of two great teenagers, and a 14-year-old who likes to go shopping with me. And I get to be with you dear reader on my blog. Oops, she’s coming down the stairs. Let me sign off!
Yesterday was a wonderful climate day and just a wonderful day in general. I was sitting having a quick lunch with Dr. Dear Friend. I often just go into her office and grab one of her prepared meals (yes, we are those kind of friends). I was sitting crossed legged and walking around in my socks (I’m Asian) in her office, and we were catching up. Dr. Dear Friend was busy multi-tasking making phone calls at the same time. I told her, “I’ve been truly happy since May 24, 2022.” Dr. Dear Friend kind of paused and said, “Have you been really happy?” I looked at her, and yes this is in the midst of one of the busiest respiratory seasons of the century and life is crazy for everyone and I haven’t really given many of my overtime shifts away, and I looked at her and said, “Yeah. I’m truly happy and I kind of feel guilty because everyone else is kind of sad and stressed.” I happily finished my meal, and said good-bye to her as she finished her phone calls. It was my off-time and I certainly was no longer being paid to do my clinical work, and I had worked the late shift the night before. So I left. I left the office when my allotted work time was done, and I left to be a parent.
It was certainly busy yesterday. I was amazed I was able to do all my afternoon errands which is a mix of climate work and parent work. I picked up scout patches for the Green Team IRC clean up event in early December. I’ll interoffice it to my program coordinator friend. I picked up my daughter’s Silver Torch Award for Girl Scouts at the same time. After leaving the Balboa Girl Scout Campus, I headed to pick up my daughter but stopped by a local Starbucks near her school. I felt so luxurious and bought a $5 matcha green tea soy latte, and I sipped that warm cup of goodness and I was so happy. I then picked her up at her school on time. She was happy and we went off to DSW to shop for shoes. She’s going to a speech tournament the Winter Invitational at La Costa Canyon High School. We bought the cutest pair of boots for her. She has a burgundy wrap dress, and the small little boots have a little heel and she feels very pretty in them yet professional and they are comfortable enough to run to the events. I even signed up for the rewards VIP program, because we expect to be buying other fancy shoes as she explores being a “fancy lawyer lady” (her words) which warms my mommy heart.
I was even at some time in between all this had time to get gasoline (we are not fully electric yet) for our plug-in hybrid. And we stopped by CVS to get two shades of nail polish to match her dress. (yes she is much more girly-girl than I am, and I love it).
And after we settled at home, I spent two hours in climate related virtual meeting. Riley Gilbertson , one of our premed interns, and I spoke at the Youth Advisory Council for the UCSD Refugee Health Center. It was a worthwhile presentation, and oh yes – I had in the morning spent about an hour updating a presentation for them. And then we spent an hour delivering the presentation and leading the discussion. And then our SDPCA and AAP group met, and it was a joyous and time efficient meeting lasting 30 minutes. Lots of discussion and work and projects planned out. I need to kind of sort everything in my brain, and then I’ll summarize things this afternoon and send out the updates.
And during this entire time, especially when I’m with our daughter running our errands and having her live her 14-year-old beautiful cocooned and safe life, I have lingering thoughts and smiles and sadness and curiosity regarding our family’s own Kdrama. I see pictures pop up on Instagram once in a while of someone, and I think about emailing someone I admire that I still think would be a wonderful person to be related to. But I stop myself and realize that it’s not my Kdrama but belongs to two young people. I still think there is destiny and fate, but I’ll let things happen or not happen and just be the shoe-shopping chauffer for a super cute 14-year-old.
But it was too much last night. The solar panel inverters were fixed. I saved thousands of dollars managing our finances correctly by electing to participate in AB150. I can’t believe my fellow physicians did not partake. It was a lot of money. And our children went to bed semi-reasonable time. I went to bed early and got a good amount of sleep. And then everything became not too much, but just enough. My mind is so clear in the morning, especially after blogging.
I sometimes am not sure why I am happy these days. But I’m grateful for it. I get to type out thoughts to myself and do meaningful climate work, and live in world filled with youth and students and be the encouraging cheer-leader to my climate friends and to my own children. We had two papers rejected yesterday and I was kind of peeved at the editors, but our two respective teams are going to resubmit and we’ll get it done. Those editors have NO IMAGINATION. None whatsoever, and are so scared of the world. Little do they know, that they have actually moved the climate work backwards. But there are so many of us now green warriors and we are SO POSITIVE and HEALED, that we will push forward because there really is not choice. Our motivation in these papers is simple. It’s really to avert cataclysmic climate change, and advocate for children’s health.
I whispered to Mr. Plastic Picker several times last night, that I still think our family pseudo Kdrama will in a decade be what I imagine. But certain people are growing up and we hope that they will meet again when it’s up to them. At least they know each other exists. Mine is super-cute wearing a burgundy wrap dress and low heeled boots to the next speech tournament. She is so cute! We are too busy in our house for actual boys, but not too busy to dream innocent dreams of saving the world and future cute little grandchildren. I think I’d be a really good grandmother, after she finishes graduate school and wins a bunch of fellowships of course. We dream big at our house.
Much love to you and my rambling thoughts and dreams of your local litter-picking pediatrician.
It’s been an epic week at our house and family. But come to think of it, I can say that most weekends now when I reflect. Perhaps it’s truly because we are living very mindfully in the present and take joy in the present. I was at our daughter’s first Speech Tournament yesterday which brought back all kinds of memories from my high school days. I judged three rounds (they have parent judges now), and one of the speeches from a Varsity Orator was on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. It was a powerful presentation and one that will make me think for a while.
The speaker used this same image in her presentation.
How does someone so young have so much wisdom?
I’m continually amazed and grateful for the young people in my life. And of course as the readership knows, the star of my real-life walking Kdrama – our daughter. She was at her first speech tournament yesterday at Canyon Crest Academy. She won several awards for which I’m inordinately proud of her. But I’m most grateful for the experience she had yesterday and that I was able to share in that experience. She dressed up in a beautiful elegant sheath dress with high heels, and looked like an elegant human rights attorney. Her pony tail was high and smooth. She delivered her oratory with a bit of flair, as she was doing poetry. She won 1st place in the Novice Declamation category. But most importantly she got to spend the entire day with her good friends, and live through the ups and downs. I’m typing a text message that I want to send to a mommy friend, but I think she is tired and it’s more my thoughts so I’ll just share them with you.
“I’m just reflecting on yesterday and it was such a beautiful day. The kids got to spend the day together doing something they prepared for, and are passionate about. They got to go through the ups and downs of advancing or not advancing to semi-finals and finals. We got to get a glimpse into their lives and how they process and handle these challenges. Our daughter had a meltdown last night despite winning because her feet hurt so much from the high heels, and I’m sure your son was exhausted after such a long day. We (mommies) got to talk and share stories, and see a new school that we have never seen before. Thank you for spending the day with me.”
The award ceremony.
And in this mass of children who were competing, there were new faces and new interactions. Each time our daughter delivered a speech, she learned something about herself and the other speakers. Every time she met a new person, it made her reflect on the people she already knows and those she has chosen to love.
I had started this blog post with the title a few days ago. I’ve since deleted the content but I’ll keep the title. I don’t think you ever meet the wrong person. For her she met an important person and it didn’t go well, but I honestly think it was meant to be and a learning experience. She’s now found an outlet where she can wear a beautiful dress with high heels, and have plenty of people listen to her. She talked to a good number of cute boys yesterday that were interesting but honestly not that romantically interesting to her right now. She practiced her Korean, and had a fun interaction with another boy competitor at another school and it made her think of another boy that goes to another school – that is not in the speech world for sure. And it’s all safe and truly like a big giant playdate, where kids are learning about themselves and learning about each other.
Watching and judging the speech tournament, reminded me how articulate and smart but also how young high school students are. They are so young. And this activity is the perfect outlet for our high-strung daughter right now. She’ll see these fellow students including some boys here and there, and they will be weaving in and out of each other’s lives. I still have dreams but I realize they are my dreams, and she is having her dreams and dramas in her own head. We’ve just introduced many more characters into her storyline.
But in the end of the day, as her parents she’s our protagonist. And this is the image I’ll remember. Tired and exhausted, and had a temper tantrum because her feet hurt because she felt entitled to it – because she won two important speech awards and is invited to an invitational speech tournament.
It was such a wondrous and glorious and unexpected weekend. I did get to the beach and picked up two bags of trash. There was an odd buried towel in the sand, and I had fun trying to dig out the bits. I ended up tearing off the pieces that were exposed and discarding them, but there is still plenty of towel buried in the sand for the next litter picker. Some nice middle-aged gentleman-surfer thanked me as I was wielding my litter-picker, and I think another middle-aged academic was trying to chat me up at the posh little bookstore while I was on a mommy date with a friend! I don’t wear my wedding ring because the hand sanitizer these days gets into the nooks and crannies so maybe that is why. I smiled and quickly walked toward my other mommy friend as I don’t want to send mixed signals. But I am looking very happy and glowing these days! Plus I had recently dyed my roots (I detail that also on this blog LOL). That’s what living a sustainable life will do for you.
I am ever the devoted spouse and I have my one and only, which is Mr. Plastic Picker. I love him very much. At first when we were young it was in large part because he was good-looking! Hence why my daughter is so pretty. But now thank goodness middle-age has come, and he’s not as pretty anymore. Still handsome. It was sometimes annoying having such a pretty boyfriend in college. But good-looking husband and pretty daughter are pictured above in the initial picture. It was an unexpected weekend all around, and that impromptu dinner at The Tofu house on Convoy street was part of it. We had fried tofu, and bulgogi. Both were pretty good, and Mr. Plastic Picker said the side dishes were decent. In the midst of Asian restaurants, community members of Asian descent, and eating Asian food – we told our daughter that she didn’t have to marry someone who is Asian. That was a big moment for us. We asked her not to discriminate someone from her own culture, because there is a comfort in being with someone who knows that part of you so well. But we freed her this weekend. We freed our beautiful daughter from all those generations of expectations that weighed her down. I think this is partly why she reacted so strongly to our family pseudo-kdrama. She and the other protagonist may well find each other later, but it will because they are compatible as people and not because of made-up expectations of ethnic loyalty that I never meant to place on her.
And I saw the beautiful whimbrels this weekend.
Birds of the same species do often flock together. We are all the same species.
And this weekend was unexpected in the friends that reached out to myself and my family. We shared movies, coffee, sweet deserts, walks and wanderings with those that we love. I veered toward Bay Park (a local neighborhood) unknowingly and we had breakfast together at the Farm Table, and I realized that I had no business being in Bay Park. That morning we had finally finished our daughter’s passport renewal.
In all this, our son also finished his early decision application to his top school that is not Crimson University. Going through his application that he mostly worked on by himself, Mr. Plastic Picker and I are so proud of him. He is his own person. Really 8 months left of him being with us as a high school student, and I am savoring each and every day. And our daughter, really three and half years left of having her to myself because I have to share this life-force with the world.
I was walking and chatting with a fellow mommy-friend, and we realized that when our mutual daughters grow up – they well may not come home. Their life course may take them somewhere else. I’m planning on being there for both of them, to travel often where they live. I’m already making financial moves to buy a small place in New York City if I have too, if the little one decides she really dose want to do human rights work which will likely be in NYC. We already have a rental property in the DC area. I’ve covered my bases. And I forget that part of my pseudo kdrama psychosis was really wanting her to be with me in San Diego. And what better draw than a cute boy who is also from our area.
But I’ve released her from those expectations. I’ll be there and help you, I promised her. You go and wander and don’t be afraid. Mommy and daddy will visit often, and I’ll help you however you need me. Having a pediatrician for a mother is a pretty awesome thing. And she said as we walked home after our evening walk, “by then you would have saved the world from climate change, right mommy? You can help me when I have a family, so I can work?” I said “yes, by then we will have known if we were able to save the earth or not. I’m hopeful because I want to take care of grandbabies.” Not sure what those grandbabies will look like, but I intend to love them so much and love their father as well. Mr. Plastic Picker will do all the driving, and I will clean the house!
News of our family Kdrama made it’s way around the private school Korean parent circles. The story is simple really and very innocent, but still private for us. But the ending ending, is really something absolutely beautiful. I want to write a novella to the other protagonist family, but I realize that it’s time to let that family go. They got swept up in it too, but have better things to do than read my long emails. But thank goodness I’m a blogger!!! I can blog into the ether and live in my own world!
Our children have been studying Korean at Korean School and then with a private instructor since they were both 3 years of age. We live with their paternal grandparents who only speak Korean, and so our teen girl is particularly good with her Korean. It’s a point of pride for her, and hence what led into the Kdrama as she values those that share her heritage. It’s hard to be a blended family, and we are what I now understand as an Asian blended family. The children demand that they are equally Korean and equally Vietnamese.
But the Korean identity is blossoming today! Because of the news of our family’s pseudo Kdrama made it’s way round-about the parent circles, and then we were contacting to talk about our school’s Korean community. We were actually helpful in starting the lower school private school Korean enrichment language program! It’s actually our instructor that we’ve had for years that will be teaching. And our daughter and she is going to recruit all her Korean friends (who by the way are all super-cute boys that she has been friends since 4!) to be the high-school contacts for the younger children! It’s going to be so much fun. Our daughter is looking forward to mentoring these super-cute little children who are both interested in learning Korean and some will be Korean-Americans! She is tickled at the possibility of being called
She has been wanting to work and mentor younger children anyway, and had mentioned something about that a few weeks ago. We’ll have a forum to share with the community the Korean holidays that mean so much to my children, as they have that connection with their grandparents. And it’s going to look fantastic on her resume!
She’s feeling truly beautiful these days for the best reasons. She realizes that she doesn’t need a boy to reinforce that reality. She has us and her friends, and most importantly she has herself. And Mr. Plastic Picker said yesterday as we were reflecting again about the drama that occurred, “you know, she doesn’t ever have to get married and she can choose who she loves.” We were absolutely not doing an arranged marriage but the drama had echoes of those issues. And I having been raised in a very traditional household and having played mostly a traditional role as wife to Mr. Plastic Picker, I now whole-heartedly agree! My daughter is so awesome and so beautiful. And her light will shine forth in whatever way she chooses. I do think she’ll date (after SATs) and get married (after law school) and have children (hopefully somewhere between 27-35 because I don’t want to be a super old grandmother). But it’s her journey and her life, and I’m so lucky to be here to see the twists and turns.
Our family is so excited about this new development and this new opportunity to create empowerment for our Korean/Vietnamese/Asian daughter.
