October 15, 2026

by Dr. Plastic Picker

Empty nesting. That was the goal, but it’s such an odd time. It’s been shocking to me how our lives and the interrelationship dynamics within our family have been upended just because our youngest left for college. Today is about the longest time she would have been away from home, since about 6 weeks would be the longest summer program.

We are all feeling the lost, the empty-nesting. Our oldest son was home this last weekend, and he was asleep in his old bedroom, and we enjoyed a weekend together. He was mostly doing 21-year-old things but we did have lunch together, and he saw a movie (horror so I did not go) with his father. We hugged and were together, and the grandparents were happy. But it wasn’t the same.

The empty nesting, it’s for a particular person but it’s also for a particular time in life. That time of literally building and maintaining that home for two vulnerable children is over. They are adults now and while still vulnerable in many ways, at the stage that they are supposed to learn things. I don’t want to take that opportunity away from them, so each of them is figuring it out.

I’m so incredibly proud of both of them. They are figuring it out. I think we hear more from our youngest because she’s more open with her feelings especially with me, so I’m living the angst with her. But she is absolutely figuring it out. She’s figuring out friends and classmates. She’s figuring out Friday nights, and outfits. She’s figuring out Shakespeare section, and source reading. She’s figuring out undergraduate clubs and preprofessional societies. She’s figuring out establishing personal boundaries, and continually coming back to who she is and what her values are. She’s figuring out quarter zips, and hoodies and how much to spend on a winter coat. She’s figuring out rainboots, and snowboots and you can’t wear sneakers in the rain and not expect to get them wet. She’s figuring out so many things and I’m incredibly proud of her. We’ll figure out how to deal with her intermittent nightmares soon, as she’s anxious at times like any young girl away from her protective family cocoon.

Our son has figured out so much in his now almost 4 years at UC Berkeley. He’s figuring out relationships and heart break. He’s figuring out graduate school applications and research labs. He’s teaching me and calls most nights. And I honestly need to appreciate his calls more. I have always been more unsure of my parenting with him, I think because I was a resident when we had him and was physically away from him more.

And I’m trying to figure out myself. Clinical work has been a blessing, and the rhythm of going to a familiar place and being with people who ask me about our daughter daily has been helpful. But I’ve scouring grout lines, replacing toilet seats, and I’m taking long walks by myself in unfamiliar paths. I’m going to conferences to public health associations I’ve never been a part of before, and I’m joining conservation boards and sponsoring trails so that other children have areas to walk and hike. I’m continuing in my climate work, and it helps.

But I’m so incredibly grateful for this blog. I’m proud of myself and my daughter. It’s been a happy time, but also a heart-breaking time for us. We are entering a different phase of our relationships and selfhoods, and it’s fundamentally a kind of parting. And that parting of the mother-young child relationships is heart breaking.

So for all the mothers and fathers that suddenly break out in tears, we are going through a similar process.