Category: Physician Wellness

February 19, 2022

by Dr. Plastic Picker

It’s 442AM and I am back to a semi-normal rhythm. I did watch Hulu “Descendents of the Son” K-drama, but I did not binge-watch it last night. It’s really good and I’m trying to savor it. Yesterday was a very full Friday at work, and I have almost 30 charts to finish this morning. It used to make me upset to work on my “inbox” on my “off time” but its a wonderful thing perspective. I’ll blog this morning, do climate work, drink my matcha green tea and finish my charts in the next 2-3 hours. I sit at the kitchen table and doing work that is meaningful and I am happy in my quiet world.

I received the above card with a beautiful tulip and package of tea from a family I’ve been taking care of for years. I had done a small thing for them, lend them a book I have to help them on the path to healing, and they returned the book so happy and on the path to being better with a gift for our family.

The gift itself is meaningful but the sentiment is something I’ll never forget. And indeed yesterday with all the busyness of an overbooked Friday and the leftover charts, was filled with real interactions for me and true joy. I’ve had friends and foes ask me what my next career step is. World domination? Further in leadership? Office politics never ends. But the odd thing that for me it has. Office politics is over. I don’t know what the next step in my career path is. I know I will go where the earth needs me, and that I fundamentally love being a pediatrician more than I have ever have in the past. So no matter where my leadership journey takes me, I want to see my patients and take care of those families entrusted to me. And that includes a super adorable 4 month old that I added on yesterday that looked at me with the bluest eyes. She had rolled off the sofa onto the ground, and scared the beejeebers out of her parents. She was okay, and I didn’t mind adding her to my already overful panel of 2500+ weighted families – because she is adorable and her parents are kind.

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January 8, 2022

by drplasticpicker

One of my families gifted me with this beautiful orchid yesterday. The clinical circumstances around the gifting and the family identities are obviously personal and protected, but let’s just say it was what is supposed to happen. In our HMO and our country, we should expect to meet at the first visit when you have a newborn baby to meet the pediatrician you will have for most of your child’s childhood. We should expect to respect eachother, and listen to eachother and care about eachother. We should expect you to be concerned and have worries, and bring your own identities to your journey as a parent. We should expect that I am not always in, and that other pediatricians are caring as well. You should expect that in those rare times when you are very worried about this child we share together, that we together will worry together and keep that child safe. And I should expect myself to look at a child, and know them well enough to know that when they have that look on their face that I’ve never seen before and their smile is gone and your smile is gone, that in my gut I know something is wrong. I should expect that I need to know you and your family and your child over years, and that knowing over the years and making sure we formed a relationship helps in those times when someone is really sick. And then we should expect that we make the right decision when that sickness occurs.

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January 5, 2022

by drplasticpicker

It has a huge climate day yesterday. I didn’t expect it to be a huge climate day, but it was. I’ve been doing this long enough to realize that serendipity is so much about climate work. And you have to spark something in someone who has some sphere of influence, and then you can change the world. And that is what happened yesterday in all honestly. I had just shot off a bunch of emails introducing some medical students who are interesting in single-use plastic reduction to our HMO higher-ups. And their California Medical Association resolution draft and their presence and their identities was enough to inspire some more senior doctors. And now the ball is rolling and single-use plastic reduction efforts are happening now in earnest in our organization. I honestly just shot off a few emails and cc’ed some people, and then just prodded to make sure we had at least one student there. Prepared a few power point slides and was there excited about waste audits and actual plastic reduction, and then the power brokers talked and the influencers influenced and the pieces of the plastic reduction puzzle are coming together.

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December 12, 2021

by drplasticpicker

I had this big revelation as I fell asleep watching my current favorite K-drama. It’s “Revolutionary Love” on Netflix and I highly recommend it. I also really loved “Hometown Cha Cha Cha.” I have to admit, for the first time since middle school, I spent an entire night binge-watching a series which was “Revolutionary Love” and did not sleep. It’s taken 10 episodes for the two protagonists I love to actually hug, and the innocently sweet character build-up and emotional scaffolding has been completely worth it. It takes me a while to fall in love with characters and I fell in love with Jun’s (the young woman) feisty spirit and Je Hun’s (the young man) beautiful hurt soul. It is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good.

It’s not really an excuse, but this K-drama is part of the reason I decided to pass on an upper management position that I’m uniquely qualified for. But I realized that, it didn’t inspire passion and creativity in me. And if I’d rather watch a K-drama than work on an application – than it probably means it’s not the right position.

During my happiness while I was watching this particular K-drama and practicing my Korean, I was a bit freaking out Mr. Plastic Picker with my Korean mimicking while I’m watching the dramas. I speak conversational Korean and had studied it in college, so it’s wonderful to watch as between the subtitles and my own langauge skills and realizing I have two of my own K-drama-like teenagers in my house (I think my two half korean kids are really good looking) – I’m having so much fun. Too much fun! LOL.

And what is there more to life than joy and good fun? These K-dramas (at least the ones I watch) are very innocent and beautiful storytelling with actors I can identify with, and a language I am quickly improving. I had always regretted not being able to take the 2nd year of college Korean due to a packed premed schedule. But honestly these K-dramas are better! Especially my colloquial Korean is getting much better.

Realizing that that upper management position I was going to apply for but didn’t? I realized during binge-watching that I am in my early 40s. I have a long time in my career still. And there is no rush. I have lots of interesting projects I want to work on that are specifically climate related. And my own kids are still young, and I need time to be happy and to enjoy them and life. Rewild Mission Bay “Love Your Wetlands Day,” helping my daughter and her best friend with their Silver Award project on the Rewild Mission Bay project, leading the first AAP California SGA Committee on Environmental Health and Climate Change, The Youth Arts Exhibition this spring, and continuing to mentor all our premed students. My cup overfloweth is a beautiful way. I’m already the head of two big committees at our HMO even without being Assistant Boss, so I don’t need any more leadership jobs.

So thank you “Revolutionary Love” K-drama series, for reminding me that there are more important things in life than chasing titles that are attached to responsibilities that don’t inspire. You inspired me to continue to improve my Korean! And the earth inspires me to mentor and organize! Sending you much love from our K-drama filled house to yours! LOL LOL LOL LOL The storyline in “Revolutionary Love” is the same. Dare to change the world, and let true love guide you.

November 26, 2021

by drplasticpicker

It’s the day after Thanksgiving and we are home home. In our Southern California home. I have to work today normal clinic and Saturday 830-5pm. It’s extra duty on Saturday and my obligation of being part of our physician group. I get paid overtime. I don’t give away my shifts anymore. I don’t even know why we judge others for giving away their extra duties when others want to work it, but it’s still a thing in our department. The judging. But it’s getting better and I’ve decided that there are few times that it’s productive to render judgement on things like that. There’s Mr. Plastic Picker who is standing in the middle of the tree parcel of our Oregon farm. Over a hundred acres of douglas fir on that side of the parcel, and a healthy stream that flows through it. Both of us, and all doctors, we’ve been judged our entire careers. And sometimes the judging and punishing is inflicted by eachother. It’s an institutional and professional history that dates back centuries really. It’s no use blaming any one person or institution, but it’s important to understand how deeply rooted it is in our professional culture.

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October 26, 2021

by drplasticpicker

I hate the term Servant Leadership. Someone gave me the book entitled servant leadership. I never read it. I understand the concept. But you can’t hand someone who is rising in leadership who is a young woman and from a minority group who is part of the “model minority” and who is from an ethnic group that has been fighting imperialism for over a thousand years a book entitled “Servant Leadership” and expect me to thank you.

Indeed, I’ll tell them now emphatically and honestly “NO THANK YOU.” Indeed, I haven’t really read any leadership books yet I’m a leader? I’ve never read a book about how to be a daughter yet I’m a daughter? I’ve never read a book about how to be a mother, yet I’m a mother? I think this leadership journey of mine is working out just fine.

Indeed, I’m kind of busy cleaning up the earth right now and I don’t have time to read books that don’t naturally interest me if the earth doesn’t lead me there. I did read a good novel this weekend, and yes it was a romance novel and there was no bodice ripping! LOL. It was one of those tame Julia Quinn ones. Did you know she went to Crimson University too?

I had written some blogpost in the last week but took them down. They were well written but weren’t, how do you say it, helpful. But it helped to express my frustrations and now they are deleted.

And today I just wanted to say that I’m continuing to work for the earth and for children’s environmental health. Too many projects to explain them all here. If you want to know the nitty gritty, just join our committee at the American Academy of Pediatrics or San Diego Pediatricians for Clean Air! I have to update on those venues anyway, so I don’t update everything here. One of our interns Riley Gilbertson and I are speaking at the San Diego City Council meeting on Wednesday and then we have a presentation on Thursday. We are working on a leaded avGas project. AvGas stands for aviation gasoline. In a sense, we want the propeller planes to stop passing leaded plane farts! LOL. That is hilarious. Let me try to make a funny graphic.

And that is all. I love this blog. It gets my creative juices flowing! LOL LOL LOL LOL.

And this is what my children really do in their new funny outfits.

September 3, 2021

by drplasticpicker

I was talking to one of my teenage patients regarding some adolescent/teenage issues. The teenage years are rough for many. Your wisdom teeth grow in odd directions, sometimes your emotions and your relationships as well. Don’t even mention certain parts of your body! But something powerful that I have repeated throughout the last few years and that I believe in my heart when I look at them across the exam room is “You don’t have to be fixed. No one needs to be fixed.” And that I realize applies to myself as well.

This journey in plastic picking for some odd reason has been very powerful and transformative to me. It’s allowed me to take risks and to explore and to get out of my preprogrammed doctor career. But I was thinking after meeting up with old college friends this past week, is that none of us need to be fixed. There was nothing wrong with the previous me, other than being in a swirling morass of circumstances a few years ago that almost broke me. It changed me, but the previous me before deserved to be treated with respect and love as well. That I felt I wasn’t and bullied and not supported, that is not my fault. I survived it, and survived other things. Just like all of us will go through life circumstances that are hard and difficult. And that it forced me to change and look inward for fulfillment and affirmation of what is right and wrong, does not mean the previous iteration of me was incorrect or bad or wrong.

It’s been a pretty heady and amazing week. We had amazing climate wins that hopefully will help things reverberate nationally. Change happens at the grassroots level. I always have several people approach me after talks and I know that I’ve inspired them in some way or other. I never sought that role, but I realize that by being honest and loving to myself – I am just showing others that we are all pretty amazing people.

Something wonderful I’ve learned about myself, is that I prefer to be collaborative rather than judgemental. I never sought positions where I had to judge, and we all do have to judge at some point. But I’d rather mentor and grow people. I’d rather support than punish. I don’t think I could go back to the former role.

August 7, 2021

by drplasticpicker

It’s Saturday morning at 630am, and I have a cup of green tea beside the computer as I’m clicking away. How I came to blogging at 630am with a cup of tea (no sugar and no cream) versus 4am with a cup of coffee (lots of sugar and non-diary creamer) has been a two year journey. It began with a bag of trash along the beach and starting this weird Dr. Plastic Picker journey of trying to save the earth. Wildfires are raging throughout the world including Greece and Europe, and near our own family farm in Oregon – but this is the reality of the warming world. I still have hope as we’ve been through this cycle before of wildfires and I committed to a decade of action two years ago. Yet I did not fully realize one of the serendipitous results of becoming an eco-avatar is that I simply came into spiritual and mental balance as a person. The writing, the trash art, and the freedom to explore new facets of my personality has been liberating.

Do you have dreams that are deferred? I never thought I would through climate and health activism reach for those dreams and form new ones. But when one faces the existential crisis of climate change and realize how bad it is but then realize how joyful it is to try to avert disaster, then that is the magic combination that helped me just reach for my dreams deferred. I decided to not compromise and waste time on middle-management nonsense but instead try to focus on the meaningful aspects of my work work. I’ve focused on the vaccine committee portion of my work-portfolio and brought my passion there, and have had local success. I bought with a family member a farm in Oregon and that 197 acres with the eagles soaring above and the view of the southern cascade slopes covered in Douglas Fir which I know will be sustainable harvest because we are stewards of the land- gives me so much joy. We are hoping to go up there is the air quality is okay in a week. If not, we will wait. I decided that as a physician I am enough, and to work on my own issues and explore my wellness journey and also Mr. Plastic Picker’s wellness journey. I rant and rave about middle-management, but he is middle-manager too. And he deserves a wife and life-partner that is present and there for him. And my just being happy and joyful and laughing with my family all day long, is something that spills over from our family to our siblings and our community.

Life is short but these days for me the days are gloriously long. I was watching Dawson’s Creek (yes I am still in my phase of loving Joey Potter and Pacey Witter and their romance) and Joey tells Dawson in one episode, that as a writer he gets to live life twice and how amazing is that. And in this blog, I get to live those dreams deferred not just once but twice.

August 4, 2021

by drplasticpicker

I’m pretty pleased with myself this morning. I made our local AAP newsletter, the local news outlets, and also likely it will be publicized on the HMO internal news. I played the generic pediatrician accepting the plaque for California HPV Vaccine Week. The entire process was serendipitous and fun. I stood really still in the background and smiled, and I pretended I was on a TV show. Which I kind of was. I knew my place and my role. Really it was for the politician to shine. I was happy and smiling, and shook hands. I said my piece, I think well, but in a generic way. I was the generic pediatrician and I had a great time playing that role!

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July 26, 2021

by drplasticpicker

LOL. That’s an awfully witty blog title Dr. Plastic Picker. How many clicks do you think it will garner? As this blog is non-monetized and completely for my own amusement and to keep me on track on my environmental advocacy, it does somewhat matter. The HMO Family Practice residents are descending upon pediatrics today and I am making vegan banana beer bread with coconut oil and extra dash of cinnamon and extra splash of vanilla extract. I even added in some coarsely chopped walnuts, I was feeling so fancy. I used one of Mr. Plastic Picker’s fancy IPA beers for the recipe. It essentially cost me nothing as I had all the ingredients already and a lot of overripe bananas.

I referred back to this recipe on this blog but used just bananas and not mangos. https://drplasticpicker.com/banana-mango-beer-bread-re-imagining-a-bad-costco-mango/ I also bought a bag of fancy granola from Costco. Otherwise these days instead of spending $150 on meat-filled breakfast sandwhich box from Einstein Bagels, I just made it simple. I just contribute when asked and do what brings me joy which was grabbing something simple at Costco and averting foodwaste and doubling a recipe. Half of this bananas beer bread will stay home, and half will come to clinic for the residents.

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