It was exactly three years ago that I decided to leave middle management and return to full time clinical work, ostensible to take over the Public Health Advisory Council Chair of Climate Actions Campaign. But it was also to choose to do things that brought me joy.
I don’t think I could have predicted how life would end up. I’m home upstairs and it’s 7:41am. Mr. Plastic Picker is at work, still on the path to chief of his department despite my best efforts to stop him from going that route. I’d rather he be chief of his own health, and just do clinical work. But he is who he is, and he still reaching for the titles. My parents-in-law are still in relatively good health, despite some minor recent setbacks. They are in their 80s, and not as vigorous as they used to be. But we life each day together. And my sisters-in-law, two of them, are here from New York and the house is full with their back and forth with their parents. At these times, I’m more of an observer than a main character – and I’m okay with that. They are here to see their parents.
But what I wanted to share today is how incredibly grateful I have been for these three years. For odd circumstances, I have been jotting down my climate thoughts and thoughts on my own daughter regularly for three years. And I have so many memories of her that are precious. Things she said. Little dramas about friends and schools. Snapshots of her creative process with her ceramics. I’m so incredibly grateful for those three years of observing her and noticing her, and being truly present for that time.
It was scary to leave. It’s always scary to take a path that is uncommon. But I never realized I would in return get to live this incredible three years.
Our daughter is finishing junior year, and she tells me she’s technically a senior now. She has a fancy digital camera and already I can see her capturing snippets of her life and her narrative voice is more powerful than mine. I think this next year I’m just going to live it with her and not document daily anymore. The reason for documenting is gone now, but the emails remain as this beautiful window into how I raised her.
She went to junior prom with her friends, and the three girls were very beautiful. They got to join their larger friend group later. And even during the climate and political chaos of the present, they get to still be teenagers in high school.
It’s 6:12am and I’m getting back to my happy place. I’m actually seeing my own doctor today, and I will ask for advice about how to manage perimenopause / menopause symptoms. It’s a common topic of conversation in the clinic these days, as I’m chatting with my patients and their parents that I’ve known for over a decade. Many of us are going through it, and it’s good to ask my actual doctor advice about what to do. I’m taking a much needed planned sick day, and I need to get my COVID booster as well. I will try to do that in clinic. I’m hoping I can get labs done as well. It’s a very busy weekend and the next few days. But it’s good to take some time to reflect and remember all that is happening.
I’m trying to run a mile a morning when I can find the time. I think to myself, “I can give myself a mile.” I’m thinking about my heart and my health. I’m taking fish oil here and there. There is a bottle in the middle of our kitchen table, and when we sit down to eat – Mr. Plastic Picker and I at times will take a gel capsule. There are 145 capsules in that bottle, but there are still many capsules left. It shows you how often we don’t eat together and that we aren’t mindful to think about our own health. But we are trying as we are also working toward a sustainable future for our children. And want to actually be alive for our grandchildren.
Part of that work in making sure we have grandchildren, is helping an amazing friend and climate advocate and pediatrician organize the District 8 heat summit. I’ve been calling it the heat summit, because the one in San Diego is named H3SD San Diego’s Heat and Human Health Summit. But my friend QT Nguyen, who is also a Harvard grad and a friend through the Harvard Vietnamese Association (although we are friends through many more things than that), has named it “From Extreme Heat to Fire: Disparate Effects Through the Arc of Human Health.” I’m fully appreciating the name, as it’s so – her. Bigger, more dramatic, and more eloquent than our straight-forward name. And honestly the name is apt. It’s scope is broader. It’s ask is bigger. The audience is grander.
QT. Honestly when I suggested you do this, I had no idea it would become such a massive thing that is so hopeful and wonderful for the earth. I don’t think I quite understood how your brain works, and how organized and energized it is. I had no idea that you would be putting me to work! Which I’m excited about, especially learning the new skill in successfully moderating a summit session. I brought along these wonderful premedical students from the UCSD Academic Internship Program and an amazing student from UC Berkeley, and that was what you needed to help you get this massive thing done. Where there is a will, there is a way. And your will and want of a livable future for your two beautiful daughters is so very evident in what this event is turning out to be.
I had the program printed out and was reviewing the times I needed to be present, and thinking out loud about what I needed to do and say. I brought out a highlighter and a pencil, and started making notes and writing down thoughts. I thought this would be an easy thing to do, but it was incredibly difficult for you and me. Thinking back to the number of virtual meetings we did, and trying to catch up with what was happening – I’m amazed that it all came together. I don’t think the students fully understood as well. But it’s all been so incredibly invigorating and fun, and hopeful.
I haven’t been blogging as much but today was an important day to document that this amazing thing is happening. It’s connecting the entire District 8 of the AAP, and myself and you, and you to your UCSD roots. It’s connecting a lot of like-minded folks that will synergize and further the work that they are doing.
I had no idea that this event would be this awesome. And honestly I always knew you were amazing, but now I know the full extent. I’m glad the admissions committee back decades ago accepted this petite Vietnamese girl from Orange County into the Harvard Class of 2001. I’m so glad I met you and became your big sib through Harvard Vietnamese Association. That we ended up doing BRYE tutoring together, PBHA and lived in the same house. Who knew that almost 3 decades later, we’d need each other to save the actual earth. When there is a planetary code, you call on the best and your friends. And I called on you, and you came. It’s amazing but brings me to tears at times. Who knew it would get this bad? We were so young back then, and now we are older and need each other to help save the climate for our daughters.
That is the only way I can describe it. For the last 3 years, I’ve been involved in so much pollution work and on social media sharing this journey. I think part of the reason for my overall state of health may have been poor sleep, too much netflix and a large part the normal body changes of peri-menopause and menopause. I’m still working pretty much full time and no longer giving away those extra shifts that we are asked to work (although it’s manageable now – or at least a bit more). Patients are more sick due to air pollution (wildfires and Tijuana Sewage hydrogen sulfide gas). So the only way I can describe my mental state when I seemed happy (and I was) but a bit scatter brained is that my mind was fracturing. I did an epic trash art piece and it’s private and I won’t share it here, but it shows you how fractured my mind is right now.
So like any good physician, I heal myself. So how am I healing myself. I am learning to say no. I am saying no to additional speaking engagements that do not bring me joy. I am saying no to additional students since the ones we have are more than enough. I am saying no to some on social media that have formed an attachment to me that is not healthy for me, because I have never sought to be their physician or mentor.
I am saying yes to the UCSD Academic Internship Program, which formalizes some of this work that I’ve been doing. This also enables me to say no to students from other universities. I really am not responsible for the entire state of California. I am saying yes to running 1 -1 .5 miles in the morning. I took a break this morning, but the last two morning I have run 4-6 times around the block. I can run a mile. All of us can run a mile. It has been really good, and I’ve incorporated some stretching as well. I am saying yes to having coffee/matcha with students here and there. I am saying yes to holding my daughter’s hand. I am saying yes to cooking again, and thinking about muffins and berry breads that bring me joy in the morning and feed those I love. I am saying yes refocusing on my finances, because my time is my money and it seems like there are constant asks for money. I am here to help the earth and not the finances of students or other physicians. I don’t understand why folks don’t understand that. If you tell me your parents have worked as many hours as I have and Mr. Plastic Picker and his parents combined, than I may consider. I highly doubt it though. Your parents can work to pay for your school since you are clearly an upper middle class student. There are many more students worse off than you.
I am saying no to those who want too much from me, and need to contribute more to the earth. I am saying yes to new experiences.
And I needed to tell those who read this blog. I am amazed that there are more and more, despite my not blogging much these days! Thank you for following along this journey. I forgot that the most important thing I can do is to inspire. And it’s not the quantity of those that I can inspire. It’s those key folks out there who see what I am doing, and believe they can incorporate some of my workflows into their lives. Mostly other physicians and pediatricians.
And for those fellow physicians, you understand that again I can get burned out. That this work can take it’s toll, especially when you are in the middle of so much pollution and so many who are looking for leadership.
But having our daughter keeps me grounded. She (and her brother) are my climate why. And it’s always been about having some sort of livable future for them. But I need to spend time with her now, and it’s my turn to hold her hand and celebrate her wins. There are other pediatric climate and health advocates out there, but I am her only mommy. When my mind was fractured, I would zero in on her. On her life. her journey. Her art. Her beauty. Her innocence and every day left of being sixteen. She’ll be seventeen soon. And honestly that is the most important thing in the world to be now. I remember when she was just born and there was the real fear that she would not come out of the NICU a healthy baby. And now she is 17 and wants a cake that has a dancing queen on it.
Saying no to some things. Saying yes to others. Means I remember she asked for a special cake for her birthday this weekend. 17 and a dancing queen. And haven’t you been an absolute miracle child and you won another national award. Mommy loves you so much. Thank you for being my baby.
It’s 6:09 am on Sunday. I don’t question sometimes good fortune. And someone asked to take my Sunday extra shift. I was supposed to work today and now I don’t have to work. I’m grateful to that particular pediatrician. So yesterday the little one who is almost 17 took her first SAT attempt, and today we are going to shop for junior prom dresses. Just me and her, or is it she and me? Sometimes I need to work on my grammar.
But it’s been quiet on the blog of late, and for that I apologize. I’ve been living in the real and other (Instagram) virtual world trying to work on climate and environmental health projects. It gets overwhelming at times, working with so many students. They are amazing for sure, but it can get overwhelming. But the truth is that I go to sleep at night, having tried as hard as I can, and it seems to work out in the morning after my mind has cleared and others have done what they are supposed to do. I have a presentation I need to work on for the National AAP Climate Advocate Program but it’s just a 10 minute talk and easy for me to put together. I’ll do it later. I just wanted to blog this morning.
I can’t believe she finished her SAT! (for now). We were talking, Mr. Plastic Picker and myself and the little one, what score would be the benchmark to say that she is done, versus retake it one more time for a better super score. My standards are lower, and Mr. Plastic Picker and our daughter have higher standards. But it was mostly fun the three of us to sit there and chat about it. We realize this is the fun stage in life, and I want to enjoy every single moment of it. I don’t want to know her score from yesterday, although she felt that she did well, because knowing the score means it’s two weeks from now. I don’t want to know what her final GPA will be for applications, because I am enjoying the uncertainty and the drama and the riding the highs and lows with her.
So today, I will sit and enjoy the uncertainty of it. Because it reminds me that she is still very much 16 and not yet 17, and she’s sleeping upstairs in her room – safe and very much our high school daughter still. I never thought it would be this wonderful having her. When she was born, I promised her a wonderful life. I never realized how much love she would give me in return. She notices me and fundamentally loves me. I have never felt as loved as I do by my daughter, and I have been lucky to have been loved and cherished by many in my family and my husband. It’s overwhelming sometimes.
But she is growing up! I’m not preventing her growth! She is focused on her junior prom dress and wants to talk colors and styles and cuts. I’ve never been particularly into those things, but being her mother – I’m all for it. So I’ll take her shopping and it we’ll enjoy the day together just the two of us. Grandmother is well on her way to recovery after her peripheral bypass surgery. Grandfather is happy and comfortable in our shared home, and the two of them had another granddaughter visit with her friends and say goodbye yesterday as she jetted off back to college. That granddaughter will be seeing her cousin (my son) up at Berkeley to connect and catch up as cousins. Mr. Plastic Picker will be working, because that is what he does and he chooses to do for now. And the girls in our family, we’ll go shopping.
She was absolutely beautiful yesterday getting ready for her exam with her hair in a bun, being fussed over in just the right amount in the morning. And she’s the main character in my narrative. And I think sharing our story has made others realize they have a main character is theirs as well, and the more love and care you pour forth into that child and in their generation and into saving the earth for them – you will be returned so much more than you ever imagined.
She’s selling cookies! We have the last 30 boxes to go to reach goal!
February 26, 2025
by Dr. Plastic Picker
I was thinking of calling this post “Kimbap, Exploded” but that will be the next post. Or the blogpost that never got written. It exploded in the microwave by the way, because of the circumstances that led to us have extra store prepared kimchi that we were worried about the edibility of the said kimbap.
But instead I want to write this morning’s short blogpost about something definitive I told my daughter last night. She has been having some anxiety dreams about college, and where to apply early. Some of it is that it’s crunch time with the ending of the trimester, SATs coming up, big decisions regarding club leadership positions, and the outside projects that she is working on. She has dreams too like any other child, and has been in the real grind – forgoing the normal teen social scene to study and do her work. It’s not really a sacrifice for her, because she actually likes studying and doesn’t do well with loud noises and over stimulation. She also has a very active imagination and happier in her clubs that deal with books than dancing. Every child is different and there is a place and journey for each of them, especially if you go to prep school. But in her world, she is stressed because all the juniors are worried about college and talking about college – and where to apply early next year.
I told her that until the day before those applications need to be submitted, she can change her mind. We have 8 months left until the day she decides and another year before the final decisions for schools comes around. It’s going to be a beautiful exhilarating time for her and for our family. We are so inordinately proud of her.
But the difference with her is that she’s the kid that wasn’t supposed to make it. She’s the preemie that beat the odds, and having been loved so dearly by her community and especially by her family – she has become the beautiful talented and interesting person that she is.
And I told her last night “Go for it. If you don’t dream now, when will you dream! If you really want to apply there early, don’t worry about mommy and daddy’s Harvard alumni status and that you are quadruple legacy. Go for the school you want. Mommy doesn’t want you to have any regrets. Harvard is just a place.” And with that I encouraged by almost 17 year old and gave her the freedom to consider applying to Yale early, which is her dream school. The baby that one high risk ob-gyns encouraged me to terminate. The baby that was born and intubated and whisked away at a little over 2 lbs to the NICU. The baby who was gavaged my breastmilk that I diligently pumped out 60 oz a day because I wanted her to have the best shot. The baby that had asthma, pneumonia, otitis media, emergent ear tubes, and mastoiditis. The child that I purposely did not let test out of spanish and math because I was worried about stressing her out, but now is one of the top students in her class and absolutely has the numbers and the resume.
Apply to Yale Early baby girl! Mommy and Daddy say go for it! Harvard is just a place and you are a miracle child. If you don’t dream, how can I? And we are a family of dreamers. You’ll land where you are meant to be. And our family, we keep on shooting for the stars.
A memorable lunch with my daughter. It was so simple.
February 9, 2025
by Dr. Plastic Picker
It’s Sunday late afternoon at 4:21 pm. It’s an unusual time for me to blog, and I’ve been blogging less and less. I’m grateful for life these days to be surrounded by so many who are trying to be climate activists and advocates. They are trying to help and find meaning, and also to move forward with their own lives and careers. So many pediatricians and so many premedical students and medical students. Finally one is almost launched off to medical school after the second application cycle, and two more I’m meeting this week to go over a presentation. Another one we have a presentation at the end of the month at a regional conference. These are real students with real career aspirations, and I’m their real mentor. Like any responsible pediatrician, I’ll see them toward the artificial end goal post of any premed mentor – admission to medical school or decision to pursue a different path.
But I realized something this morning, after several instances where I had to redirect the energies of a particularly energetic and well meaning premed – enough is enough. I’m done taking any additional students. We have many many more still left that I’ll make sure to mentor toward their goals. Still many years of climate work to do and to happily collaborate with them. But today I realized that it’s time for me to say no. I don’t need to recruit anymore. I’ve recruited enough people to this climate work. I’m not helping any of my current students by taking on additional students.
It’s been absolutely freeing realizing that. We have three students now in medical school, and about 3-4 every year that are applying under our collaborative group. But honestly, it’s mostly me. It’s mostly me and a handful of other physicians. And it’s time for me to move on. I never meant for this to be forever. It was meant to be a decade of advocacy and I’m almost at year 5 or was it 6?
I started to say no. I said no to a big premedical conference talk, because I don’t need to recruit anymore students and this is all on my free time. It’s on a day that I’m already scheduled to work, and I’d rather go to work and not have to change shifts with someone else. I didn’t even ask them to ask me next year. I’m probably going to not attend on of the talks that one of my other students is giving that is not related to climate. I’m so proud of them for this talk and actually advised them to apply to give this talk. But they have many other mentors that can help them, and it’s not related to climate and they have been launched. I have been their supplemental advisor anyway, never was paid but did it because it was the right thing for the earth. It was a magical and meaningful collaboration for the last three years. But they were mentored, and had multiple presentations and abstracts and letters of recommendations – from a premedical advisor that was all volunteer. I realized yesterday in a state of panic during a disaster that was barely averted, that I don’t need some of the stress that mentoring so many students has given me. Too enthusiastic. Too giving. All of us. It’s all meant to be, and I’m so proud of them and it all ended up fine. But I took it as a sign that it’s time to slowly finish the climate projects one by one.
I still have about 3-4 years worth of students and climate projects to complete. I’m really happy to start saying no. Everything comes to an end. Our girl scout troop is coming to an end soon, as the girls finish their Gold Awards. I have a meeting with one of our troop members, and I really owe it to her and her family to help with her Gold Award. This is a young woman who I actually know well and in real life, and she deserves my attention.
But what won’t end is that I’m still a pediatrician who now realizes I love to practice medicine. I’ve learned so much letting everyone know that climate affects health and environmental pollution affects kids. I’ve gotten so many awards, and been on TV and published papers and invited to conferences to speak. I’ve met so many interesting people.
But the truth is that in the end it began because I was burned out and I started picking up trash. And then I was better and I realized the climate crisis, and realized I should get involved in doing impactful legislative work on climate and health. And it was because I love my children so very much and I care for my patients, and pediatricians aught to try to save the earth for them. And that’s what thousands of pediatricians across the country have been trying to do – trying to stop global heating.
But one person can’t do it all. One person can’t pick up all the trash on the beach. I had this super human strength and motivation for the last few years, but it’s starting to naturally wane and that is okay. There are so many ways to help the climate movement and I’ll continue to do it. But I realize that our advocacy group has become somewhat unsustainable. Really what I need to do is make sure all our mentees actually grow up and finish their projects and move on with their lives.
So that is what I’m doing, just concentrating on the students in front of me that I know now. I’m not looking for more. And the truth is that this entire endeavor was always volunteer, two $20 websites. It was born out of love and need for connection, and wanting to show the world what could be done when one puts climate and children at the center. After almost 50 talks and media interviews, I’ve said it enough. And I have someone special waiting for me to hang out – to talk about something other than climate.
I’m always waiting for her and she’s waiting for me.
I was going to 100% spill the beans! But I decided the averting climatic disaster and the love story within a love story goes on! So I DID NOT SPILL THE BEANS in “Confessions of a Pediatric Plastic Picker”! If you don’t know about the beans, then you probably don’t know me in real life because I’m constantly yapping about it. I honestly think everyone in clinic does not want to hear the beans anymore, but different ending possible scenarios still amuse me.
But instead, I am still going to give my talk at UC San Diego School of Medicine today with my good friend and collaborator Dr. Luis Castellanos. I am delivering my fourth talk at the medical school, and this yearly lecture really centers me and gives me direction for the year. Mostly I need to meet his medical students and interest them, and recruit them to help with H3SD San Diego’s Heat and Human Health Summit. I’m 50 slides into the talk and it’s way too long already. But I still have hours left to work on it. I’m having the hydrogen blending team call into from Orange County and UC Berkeley, and they will be presenting on their project.
It’s going to be a really long day in general today. My mother-in-law is recovering form major bypass surgery and I have a sick day to help with her care. I also have a lot of climate emailing to do and organizing. Our daughter is busy with her life, and was a bit overstrung last night. I hope the artists talk she is giving tonight at the Harvard Club of San Diego goes well? I’m not sure if that is the right decision, but it’s an opportunity and it’s important to take risks to grow. Failing is okay. Failing is an opportunity to grow. But it’s hard to explain that to a 16 year old girl.
Okay. I just wanted to type some stuff on the blog behind diving back to my power point to make it more coherent. I hope this short note finds everyone well.
It’s 5:48am and I’m sitting with my mother-in-law in the kitchen. I’ve been her daughter-in-law now over 20 years. She’s weak but feeling better. She was just discharged from the HMO hospital after having minor surgery and will have major surgery soon. She’s well over 80 and if you know me in real life, I’ve shared some of the details. But we are all together under one roof and for now we are safe. There are wildfires raging in Los Angeles, and many of us in the climate advocacy space are of the “I told you so” or at least I am. Not to the unfortunate victims of the fossil-fuel driven wildfires, but to the general world. Someone asked me at work “why do you think these fires happened” and I said “fossil fuels and climate change.” I said the same thing to the HMO social media person that I met yesterday and hugged. We filmed some segments that will air soon, hopefully to reach our patients and prepare them if the wildfires spread further south where we are.
But for now, we are together and safe. My daughter will be up soon in about an hour. I forgot she asked me to wake her earlier so she can shower this morning. She’s a junior in high school and too pretty for her own good, but studious and focused on her exams and getting ready to apply to college next year. My son is sleeping in his bed and in his room, that has a Cal flagged hanging proudly over the doorway. He’s headed back to Berkeley in a few days time, but that is a lifetime from now. I have this afternoon with him, and I’ll soak in those hours and bathe in his attention. I love him very much and shared him with his grandmother when he was little, and now I get him to myself for the afternoon.
Loving something fully is sharing. It took me so long to realize that. If you love someone fully and in a healthy way, they will come back to you. That is why I pour so much love into this work on protecting the climate for our children. Because it will come back. It will always come back.
And I found this picture from this long journey of mine. And I forgot on that night when I decided to love another family, that I was there too. I know it will come back to me. It’s already helped save so many lives. When I think about how many, it’s overwhelming. How can you not believe in fate when that happens? And that is true for so many of you that I’ve met on this journey. We have been trying to save current lives and future lives.
And in the end, I’m a doctor and a pediatrician. And that is fundamentally who I am.
I’m sitting here its 9:06am and last night I worked the late staggered shift, happily wandered over to to the office party and lived my dream of making an Instagram Reel to the current in kpop song apata by Rose and Bruno Mars. It was so much fun! Our son helped me edit the reel so that it was in sync with the song.
And this morning, I just forwarded an email to some climate friends in San Diego. It’s from a good college friend who I was technically her premedical advisor. We are friends from the Harvard Vietnamese Association. I had explained to my good friend how simple and impactful the heat summit idea was. That it was really to get folks together in a neutral place to discuss hyper-local projects that need to be done to address extreme heat and health, in particular wildfire risks. And she is talented and connected and she’s done it. She sent the email that likely took a while to mentally prepare and process, and it’s succinct and well composed. And then all I did was loop in 3 premedical students from UC Berkeley (including my son) who participated in our H3SD summit in San Diego, and they will help her.
It’s funny now when things are truly dire and something you love dearly is threatened, you run toward those you trust the most. That we are true friends and linked through our heritage, training and world view – is not surprising.
But it’s actually happening. Their team is on their way. I’ll be popping in during their meetings as well. But I’m grateful today to have a good friend like Dr. Quyen-Tuyen Nguyen. She has children too. My daughter has a yellow blanket that she dearly loves and that blanket, was gifted to our family almost 20 years ago by Dr. Quyen-Tuyen Nguyen. It’s funny how life works out.
