It’s 657AM and I’m going soon to jog to my parents’ house to visit my dad. He had cataracts surgery. I’m getting older too and I didn’t fully realize what happens to a woman’s body as she ages. It’s been much harder on me than I realized, knowing that I have to wear this patch and take supplements that my doctor recommended to feel okay. It’s hard to know that you are relying on something to feel like you – does that make sense?
Just here typing on the blog, and returning to where I can be me. I think there are still folks reading? But I’m not really sure and honestly this was always just me living in my own head.
Our own son wants to be a doctor now, and a pediatrician in fact. It feels so right. His father and I have told him his entire life not to be a doctor. We are both physicians. And even with that and being born during our residency and how chaotic our parenting and our lives were during the years we were raising him, he still wants to be a doctor.
I’ll be honest. I’m still a practicing pediatrician despite my forays into legislative advocacy, buying a tree farm and all the “side quests” I’ve been on. I still see patients and have to decide diagnosis and imaging, and talk to so many children and families through the day. I’m absolutely happy being a pediatrician. Every day I walk into clinic and I am so happy to be where I am. I don’t think too much about the next clinical day. I absolutely don’t dread it anymore. I just do what I’m meant to do, which is doctoring. I’m happy.
But the realization that our son wants to be a doctor too, makes me worried. It is bringing back all the good and the terrifying moments that my husband and I lived together. The journey has not been easy, and in fact it’s been incredibly hard. I am not dissuading him. I am supportive. But as a mother who is a doctor, it’s the next stage in my life that I did not expect.
I just wanted to let the readership know. It’s terrifying to me. I wish he’d pick something easier.
But he’s the kindest boy. He was the easiest baby. And he’ll make a wonderful pediatrician. He has the absolute biggest heart. But it’s understandable that as his mother and knowing exactly the path he is entering, I am knowingly . . . reflective about it all.
I can’t believe it was only 5 days ago. It was one of those days that will be seared in all our memories, when our resolve and our activism was leveled up. I remember those moments so vividly. When I first started picking up trash and realized I could make a difference. The first time I was able to identify certain shore bird species, and began considering myself a birder. The first time I testified at city council, or reached a certain advocacy milestone. The first academic paper. The first blogpost. The first grand rounds. And first premedical student admitted to medical school with climate and health on their resume.
This one was a first, and again like anything – it was organic and through natural connections and it just happened. At least from our standpoint.
My mentor Bruce Bekkar actually told me about it. He texted me and asked me if I was going, and I’m always doing so much advocacy that I was overtired and irritated. There are so many protests and things to do for environmental health that sometimes it seems endless. But Bruce reminded me pointedly that this one was important. I had honestly blocked a few of the organizers on Instagram because I just know too many people and was being asked to speak at so many gatherings that it was overwhelming, so this one was not on my radar screen. I was irritated and not sure, and our family mulled over it for a few days. The kids were concerned about climate, but honestly other political issues too. Mr. Plastic Picker had been texting with a like-minded radiologist friends about the state of the world. We were all, the four of us, despondent. Climate laws were being overturned. Public lands being sold. Neighbors being snatched from their homes. News of chaos from Los Angeles, but from San Diego – LA always seems chaotic.
And in the midst of this milieu and I was working on Sunday, I was being reminded by a wonderful friend to come – to show up at #NOKINGS. And then our family slowly together decided over several dinners and quiet conversations that we were going to show up. I sent one email to the larger advocacy group and here is the text of that email. It’s a group of almost 100 members of the climate and health community (but I made sure to delete the email addresses of those from my actual work place to keep things clean). I actually do want to keep my job, and you never know how these things are going to go.
Here are some phrases that I sent to that large listserve.
“I wanted to let you know our family friends know that we have been struggling with what is happening in the world. Everything we care for is being threatened, our community, our climate and the health of our children. I had a long conversation with Dr. Bruce Bekkar who I consider a close friend and mentor, and our entire family. These are difficult times and I realize if I’m tired and afraid (and we are established physicians and community leaders) than there are others who are afraid as well. And how in the world did we get here, and how do we move forward as a community? . . . Everyone has to make the decision that is right for their path. I have never pretended to know the path of others. I wanted to let our network know that we will be attending the “No Kings” March at the Waterfront in San Diego and Mr. Plastic Picker (who is a doctor too) and I will be wearing non-branded white coats. This is likely the single largest mobilization of the climate movement along with the broader community, but the Climate folks will be out in force and I feel the need to be there as a Climate and Health Leader. Our children will be there as they are worried and anxious about the world as well. We also donated to the march organizers (that is another way to take action). We will be cautious with safety in mind. Sierra Club and San Diego 350.org is part of the very large coalitionAgain, I am not encouraging anyone to go. I just wanted to let you know that on a very busy weekend with so many other things to do – our entire family will be attending together. If you should want to meet up and feel safer together, please reach out so we are connected.
Much love from our entire family.”
And after this message, we made it there. We weren’t sure what would happen, whether it would be safe. We hoped it would be. We are protective of our two children, and had plans to leave it case things were not peaceful. But it was peaceful and 13.1 million people showed up for our country, our community and our climate. 80K in San Diego waterfront showed up. Thinking back to that day is still overwhelming. The entire day is seared into our memories and it will be something that we shared together as a family, and together with other 13.1 million concerned Americans.
